You Know You're a Pothead When... You think the song "Truckin'" by the Grateful Dead should replace the national anthem. Your music collection is worth more than your vehicle. Your bong is taller than your dog. It takes you more than 30 minutes to roll a joint. You set your wedding date for 4/20. You take off April 20th every year and treat it as a holiday. You spent your last bit of money to score some herbs and don't have enough gas money to get home but you don't care. You start every sentence with - uhhh!. You intentionally roll seeds in your joints on independence day so you can hear the popping because you don't have money to buy fireworks. You eat at Taco Bell more than 8 ti

You might be a redneck if when someone says: "Do you have any duct tape?" And you say: "I don't have any ducks on tapes but I've got some on my wall."

Man: How many asian people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Asian Man: Whats a lightbulb?

Your mouth is so big you could swallow a whole banana... ...sideways

You are a redneck if: you've ever searched for gold in your grandpa's chest and had your fingers taken off by the booby trap within.

Here's how a man evolves directly following marriage. The Love Word: After 6 weeks: I love you, I love you, I love you! After 6 months: Of course, I love you. After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why do you think I proposed? Back from Work: After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home After 6 months: BACK!! After 6 years: What did your mom cook for us today? Phone Ringing: After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone After 6 months: Here, for you After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE! Cooking: After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good! After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight? After 6 years: AGAIN! New Dress: After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like a

Q: Did you hear the joke about the jump rope? A: No, I skipped it!

You're a.. January- talented February- lowlife March- immature April- wild May- exciting June- weird July- selfish August- hot September- scary October- messed up November- cool December-sexy Now pick the color shirt you have on Pink- cupcake sales person Blue- hooker Red- bartender Green- Celebrity Purple- Mc Donalds worker White- slut Yellow- taxi driver Black- chef Orange- homeless Gray- stripper No shirt- millionare Other- toe nail clipper LAST...the day you were born 1- that loves food 2- that hates kids 3- that needs attention 4- that is a murderer 5- who sucks at reading 6- who strips to pay for bills 7- who kills kids 8- who goes to dunkin donuts everyday 9- that loves laguna

If he concentrates on the bottle because it says, "from concentrate!"

A Girl went up to her mother and asked, "Mum, is Amsterdam a swear word?" "No, why?" She asked. "Is Rotterdam a swear word?" she asked. "No, why?" her mother repeated. "Well, I heard little sister talking behind my back after I showed her my lollipop, and she said 'I hope that that lollipop rot her damn teeth!'"

You might be redneck if you've totaled every car you've owned.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these a