A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is no

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures. 9. Is overly enthusiastic about 'Dungeons and Dragons' and other role playing games. 8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture. 7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up. 6. Says 'Whom' instead of 'Who.' 5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they can continue with their learning. 4. Prefers NPR to any music. 3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about. 2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game. 1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.

What happens when the smog clears over southern California? UCLA

If two's a company and three's a crowd... what's four and five? NINE!!!!

The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, leader of the Jewish nation. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed as he had never held a golf club in his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres....we can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honoured and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the m

How did the redneck die drinking milk? The cow sat on him!

1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your potted plants stay alive. 3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd. 4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 5. You have to pay your own credit card bill. 6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal. 7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year. 8. 8:00a.m. is not early. 9. You have to file for your own taxes. 10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work. 11. You're not carded anymore. 12. You carry an umbrella. 13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jackass. 14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15. "Twenty-som

How many cartoon characters does it take to screw in a light bulb? nine - three to find a light bulb, three to figure out how to remove the old one, three to screw it in, and all of them to complicate it!

As governor, Bush got to act ceremonially as a state trooper for a day. While operating a speed trap, Bush pulled over a farmer. He lectured the farmer about his speed and the necessity of obeying laws made by his superiors, and in general threw his weight around. Finally, he got around to writing the ticket, and as he was doing so he kept swatting at some flies that kept buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some trouble with those circle flies there, are ya, sir?" Bush stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well, yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies." So the farmer said, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because

Three youngsters are having hot discussion, about whose father is the tallest one. The first one said, "My father is just like statue of Liberty. Your hat will fall off if you look at him" The second one does not want to loose the discussion. He added, "That's nothing! You can not see my father's hands, when he stands up and waves. They vanish in the clouds". The third one, a born winner in the discussion, confidently added, "Did your father's hands feel something, when he was waving in the clouds?" The second one replied confidently that he is going to win the discussion, "Why, certainly, he once told me his hands felt something up in the clouds and he tried to pull that." The third on

Man 1: "My budgie lays square eggs!" Man 2: "Really! That's amazing! Can it talk as well?" Man 1: "Yes, but only one word." Man 2: "What's that?" Man 1: "Ouch!"

BASIC: Bill''s Attempt to Seize Industry Control（比尔的企图：夺取工业控制） ISDN: It Still Does Nothing（它仍然什么都不做） DOS: Defunct Operating System（已死亡的操作系统） MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs（大部分功能崩溃，如果没有，则操作系统挂起） WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System（将在所有系统中安装无用数据） MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers（大部分聪明的用户认识到我们的软件仅仅欺骗年轻人）