You're a.. January- talented February- lowlife March- immature April- wild May- exciting June- weird July- selfish August- hot September- scary October- messed up November- cool December-sexy Now pick the color shirt you have on Pink- cupcake sales person Blue- hooker Red- bartender Green- Celebrity Purple- Mc Donalds worker White- slut Yellow- taxi driver Black- chef Orange- homeless Gray- stripper No shirt- millionare Other- toe nail clipper LAST...the day you were born 1- that loves food 2- that hates kids 3- that needs attention 4- that is a murderer 5- who sucks at reading 6- who strips to pay for bills 7- who kills kids 8- who goes to dunkin donuts everyday 9- that loves laguna

How many feet does a black rooster have? How many wings does a black rooster have? How many heads does a black rooster have? How many hairs are on the back of a white cat? Why is it that you know more about a black cock rather than a white pussy?

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"

A cowboy has lived to an extremely old age, and one day his grandson asked him to what he attributes his long life. "Well, you know that every morning, I have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast," says the old timer. His grandson nods. "Before I eat it, I sprinkle a little gunpowder on it, every day," The ancient cowpoke adds. The grandson decides to follow his grandfather's breakfast regimen, and each morning of his life, he has oatmeal with gunpowder sprinkled on it. Sure enough, the grandson lives to the ripe old age of 97, and when he died, he left seven children, twenty one grandchildren, eighteen great-grandchildren, and a fifteen foot hole in the side of the crematorium.

A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing . . . there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with? A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush!

If we quit voting, will they all go away? It's been lovely but I have to scream now I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on disk somewhere Boldly going nowhere Don't be sexist -- broads hate that Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal. How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?

Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels. For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed. Chuck Norris' penis has a Hemi. Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."

50° Fahrenheit (10° C) Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians plant gardens. 35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C) - Italian Cars won't start. Canadians drive withthe windows down. 32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C) American water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker. 0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C) New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. Canadians have the last cookout of the season -60° Fahrenheit (-51° C) Mt. St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door. -100° Fahrenheit (-73° C) Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadianspull down their ear flaps. -173° Fahrenheit (-114° C) Ethyl alcohol Freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg. -460°

Knock,knock! Who's there? King! King who? King Kong is now part of China.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I can use technology, why can't you? The sky is blue, the grass is green, why is your brain as small as a lima bean? Your humorous, funny, have OCD, How come you can't use technology without me? I love you, I love you, I really do, but roses are red and violets are blue.