Popular Jokes
A policeman was on duty when he got a complaint, so he went to go check it out. The complaint was that a sport car had not moved from a corner and was holding up traffic. When he got there, he went to the car and asked the blonde lady in it why she was holding up traffic and not going. She responded well the sign told me to stop but it doesn't want to let me go.
Once in medieval times...there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "Weapon".
The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played appropriate music.
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners... an
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
Do you think my hair is too big?
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
The tires on that truck are too big.
I've got it all on a floppy disk.
Do you think this baseball cap goes with this shirt?
Damned if that politician ain't honest!
We're vegetarians. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
You can't feed that to the dog.
Trim the fat off that steak.
I just love the opera.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
Wrasslin's fake.
There was a big moron and a little moron, sitting on a ledge. The big moron fell off. Why?
Because the little moron was a little more on.
1) The couch is not mine.
2) No matter how much larger the human is, the cat still deserves half of the bed.
3) Tell those you love how much you love them but only after they feed you.
4) Its okay to be a tad overweight as long as you are still able to reach your goals(for example the windowsill).
5) Catnip actualy has a rather nice scent.
6) The printer is a valid seat.
7) All scurmishes with others can be solved by looking innocent.
8) Its okay to lose some hair,
and of course,
9) Its always nice to be with those you love,even if they do smell like dog!
The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. "Well, we're a mighty crowded, since there's already someone in the spare room" replied the farmer. "But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher."
"Look," said the tourist, "I want you to know I'm a gentleman."
"Well," mused the farmer, "as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher."
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