Popular Jokes
What's the difference between a blonde and the internet?
Not everyone has been on the internet!
Two guys own a zoo. To their angst their lone female gorilla
goes into heat. Knowing she will be violent if not looked after
they take her to a vet for advice. He says she needs to be bred
by a male gorilla. Knowing they can't find a male they weigh
their options. One says to the other, hey that guy that cleans
the cages is kind of crazy, maybe he'll do it. They ask him if
he'd do it for $500. He asks for some time to think about it.
The next day he comes back to the guys and says he'll do it on
three conditions.
1) No commitments, once it's done it's over.
2) If there is any kids I'm not responsible.
The two say O.K. no problem, what's your third condition?
Well h
A Mexican, an Asian, an African, and an American all somehow come across a genie at the same time. They rub the lamp and the genie pops out and agrees to grant them all one wish each. The genie turns to the Mexican and asks what he wished for.
"I wish that myself and all of my people could return to Mexico and live without poverty and wars."
With that, the Mexican disappeared. The genie then turns to the Asian and asks what he wished for.
"I wish that myself and all my people could go return to our countries in Asia and live in peace and happiness."
And the Asian disappears. The genie next asked the African what he would like.
"I wish that myself and all of my African Brothers and
One day in summer, Jack was going to visit his friend John. When he got to his house, he saw John, who was dressed in his warmest winter coats.
"What are you doing? Are you nuts? It's the middle of summer!" cried Jack.
"I am painting my house. And on the can, it says you must put two coats on."
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to an ice cream parlor together. The brunette went up and asked for a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The counter man was confused, but gave her a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream.
The redhead went up and asked for a single dip of vanilla ice cream with Pepsi poured over it. The man was really confused now. But he gave the redhead her order.
The blonde was listening to the other two women and thought that she should have a ''special order'' too. So she went up and asked for an extra-large root beer, but hold the roots.
There were 2 guys who were best friends, Bob and Carl, that went walking everyday past a very fancy restuarant made up of very clear, expensive glass. Well everytime they went by, they would always make jokes about the rich snobs who dined there (of course because they were jealous because they wanted to be in there eating the expensive food). So one day Bob made a bet with Carl that he could make half of the people throw up. As soon as Carl agreed on the bet, Bob went and put his boogers and some dog poop all over the glass and indeed half of the people did throw up. So Carl lost some money but wanted to get it back. So he made a bet the he could get the other half of the people to throw up
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
These two poor kids go to a birthday party at a rich kid's house. The kid is so rich that he has his own swimming pool, and all the kids go in. As they're changing afterwards, one of the poor kids says to the other one, "Did you notice how small the rich kid's penises were?" "Yeah," says his mate, "It's probably because they've got toys to play with."
What exactly does the government do?
They seem to complicate all the simple things while trying to do the opposite.
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