Redneck Computer Terms

"Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer. "Keyboard" -- 1. Place to hang your truck keys. 2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em. "Window" -- Place in the truck to hang your guns. "Floppy" -- When you run out of Polygrip. "Modem" -- 1. How you got rid of your dandelions. 2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor) "ROM" -- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola. "Byte" -- First word in a kiss-off phrase. "Reboot" -- What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff. "Network" -- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line. "Mouse" -- 1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case. 2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard. "LAN" -- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck." "Cursor" -- What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend. "Bit" -- A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways." "Digital Control" -- What yore fingers do on the TV remote. "Packet" -- What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip. "Tab" -- The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck. "Space bar" -- Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty. "Backspace" -- The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer. "Alt" -- Form of verb "be" like, "I alt be gone now." "Delete" -- The lighter object like, "Don't gimmy the heavy one, gimmy delete one." "My Briefcase" -- What you put all your ol' stuff in when "she" gets mad at you. "Shift" -- What you must do when blue lights come on. "Disc" -- What you do before you plow, to level the ground. "Ram" -- 1. Dodge pick up truck. 2. Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work. "Rom" -- Wander: "Wher' ya goin?" "Ah dunnow. Recon I'll jus rom round" "Refresh" -- Mix another Jack Daniels and 7. "Browser" -- Bowser's name when you're drunk. "Web" -- DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods. "Edit" -- Past tense of "eat" "Wher'd that leftover possum belly go?" " You edit afore you passed out las nite. "Gig" -- Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs. "Internet" -- Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net). "Buddy list" -- Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole. "Tab" -- Ancient soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin. "Computer Chips" -- What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips. The following were contributed by Jeremy (The Yankee Redneck). "Shift" -- What you do to get that truck to go. "Ins" -- To Enter, as in, "Ins ya go, outs you go". The following were contributed by Sonovabic. "Scanner" -- 1. What you do to a good lookin' woman. 2. What you listen to the police band on. The following were taken from Net Dummy Humor. "Log On" -- Making da wood stove hotter. "Log Off " -- Don't add wood. "Monitor" -- 1. Keep an eye on da wood stove. 2. What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin. (from Tweetheart86chic) "Megahertz" -- When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning. "Floppy Disk" -- What you get from piling too much wood. "Drive" -- Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky. "Prompt" -- What you wish da mail was during the snow season. "Enter" -- Come on in. "Windows" -- What you shut when it gets 10 below. "Screen" -- What is a must during black fly season. "Chip" -- What you munch during Wildcat's games. "Microchip" -- What's left in da bag when da chips are gone. "Dot Matrix" -- Eino Matrix's wife. "Laptop" -- Where da grandkids sit. "Software" -- Them plastic picnic utensils, eh?. "Mainframe" -- Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof. "Port" -- Where da commercial fishin boats dock. "Random Access Memory" -- Whan you can't remember how much you spent on da new deer rifle when Wifee asks about it. This is from an unknown source. "Fonts" -- That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days. "Laptop" -- Where the stripper sits.