What was the female math book that lived underwater wearing? An algae-bra

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. ... "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!" Bill replied: "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?" God said: "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" asked Bill. God said: "I'm going

HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A BLOWTORCH HOW TO BE FUNNY by Gilbert Gottfried MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O J Simpson ZAGAT'S GUIDE TO CITIES WITHOUT A STARBUCKS THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen DeGeneres THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT FAST & EFFICIENT WINDOWS PROGRAMS HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman THE WILD YEARS by Al Gore BEATING A DRUG ADDICTION by Darryl Strawberry AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF

You Know You're a Pothead When... You think the song "Truckin'" by the Grateful Dead should replace the national anthem. Your music collection is worth more than your vehicle. Your bong is taller than your dog. It takes you more than 30 minutes to roll a joint. You set your wedding date for 4/20. You take off April 20th every year and treat it as a holiday. You spent your last bit of money to score some herbs and don't have enough gas money to get home but you don't care. You start every sentence with - uhhh!. You intentionally roll seeds in your joints on independence day so you can hear the popping because you don't have money to buy fireworks. You eat at Taco Bell more than 8 ti

What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper.

One day, in the mental institute, a doctor visited one of his new patients. "How are you today?" he asked, when he saw his patient. "Oh. I'm fine thank you very much. How about you?" replied the patient. "Oh, I'm fine," answered the doctor, while thinking if he should let this patient go seeing as how he was polite and all. "So, did you sleep alright last night?" "Oh, heavens no. The mosquitoes were such a bother, I got so angry that I put up a mosquito net around the bed but I climbed under the bed. HA! They can bite whatever they want inside the net, but I'll be safe and sound under the bed," answered the patient with an air of dignity. "Never mind."

Did you have cookie for lunch? 'Cuz your face is kinda krummy.

Your mouth is so big you could swallow a whole banana... ...sideways

Q: Why DIDN`T the skull cross the road? A: Because he didn`t have the guts!

A man called the computer company because he was having trouble with his computer. A woman answered the phone. "Hello. May I help you? "Yes. I'm having trouble with my computer. Every time I press the enter key my computer goes biserk." "I think I know what you should do." "Really?" "Yes." "What should I do?" "You should stop pressing the enter key."

Everyone can be an Echo! 1] Repeat everything a person says & does in an exaggerated way 2] If your victim tries to get you to stop by saying something like, 'I'm a stupid furball,' say ' at least you have the courage to admit it!' 3]This is the most important instruction! DO NOT LET YOUR VICTIM NEAR A BOOK!

How many feet does a black rooster have? How many wings does a black rooster have? How many heads does a black rooster have? How many hairs are on the back of a white cat? Why is it that you know more about a black cock rather than a white pussy?