Popular Jokes
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, is never
lazy. He's always
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob is always
working independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees.
He is great.
His assignments are always
on time, never
late.
You should hire him.
Often, Bob skips
his coffee breaks to compelte his
work.
He has worked dillegently.
Bob is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be classified as worthy employee, and cannot be
dispensed with.
Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob should be
promoted, and a proposal
Darn those pushy metric system advocates!
Give them 2.54 cm., and they'll take 1.6093 km!
3 people were asked to find the "hardest" word in the dictionary. One person found the word "happiness". One person found the word"photosynthesis". The last person found the word "dick".
A Chinese couple got married and were now known as Mr. Wong and Mrs. Wong. However, they didn't know why, but they couldn't have white children. So they went to the doctor to find out what the problem was, and they told him the story and the doctor replied, "Didn't you know?" "Two Wongs don't make a white!"
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Mobile, Alabama to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
If brains were fuel, you wouldn't have enough to power an ant's motorcycle around the edge of a penny.
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown costume!
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off!
Q: What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A: A baby with a punctured lung!
Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
A: Fucked!
Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
A: Nail its other hand to the floor!
Q: What do you call a dead baby and 6 week old bread?
A: A Big Mac!
Q: How do you make a man pregnant?
A: Stick a dead baby up his ass!
Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends how hard you throw them!
"Did you hear that TGI Fridays is opening a new restaurant?"
"Yeah, it's called WTF Mondays."
Bob: Did you get the tickets?
Fred: What tickets?
Bob: To the Gun Show! Well, let's see now, I think they're both pretty good, but...this one has it!
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