A visitor from Pakistan was strolling in a park in New Delhi, India, enjoying the greenery and flowers. He needed to empty his bladder badly, but couldn't find a urinal anywhere. He couldn't hold out any longer, and went behind a large bush. Just as he was undoing his fly buttons a policeman caught him. "What do you think you are doing?" asked the constable. "I want to pee," replied the visitor. "I am from Pakistan and I don't know where to go. Please help me out." The constable ordered, "OK, follow me. I'll show you a place with more greenery, flowers and bushes than this park. You can pee there as much as you like." He took the Pakistani to a greener and more beautiful garden where he

Bread Is Dangerous 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as litt

DOCTORS WERE TOLD TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE CONSTRUCTION OF A NEW HOSPITAL WING AT THE HOSPITAL. WHAT WAS THEIR REACTION? The allergists voted to scratch it. The dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it. The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve. The obstreticians stated they were laboring under a misconception. The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. The orthopedists issued a joint resolution. The pathologists yelled, "over my dead body!"

There once was a man from Hybernia, Who Rhymed himself into a hernia. He became adept At this practice except For occasional anti-climaxes.

Teacher: "Why does an elephant have a trunk?" Student: "Because it doesn't have a glove compartment!"

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)... The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, "Picabo, ICU".

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. From a southwest airlines employee: "there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane." 2. Pilot: "folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." 3. After landing: "thank you for flying delta business express. We hope you enjo

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Bush appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Mrs. Bush appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Bush country!" "Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"

Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took many pictures of the Dwarves and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch, she took the film to be developed. After a week or so, she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Snow White was so disappointed that she started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said kindly, "Don't worry, someday your prints will come."

The United States Treasury has announced they are recalling the new Minnesota quarters. We are recalling all of the new Minnesota quarters that were recently issued, Treasury Undersecretary said in a press conference Monday. This comes in the wake of numerous reports to this agency that the quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices. We believe the problem lies in a design flaw. The winning design for the Minnesota quarter was submitted by Sven Petersen of New Ulm, Minnesota. Sven commented, "Apparently, da duct tape holding da two dimes ana nickel togedder keeps yamming da coin-slot."

Knock-Knock Why are you knocking? I've got a doorbell