Popular Jokes
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom, on the edge of the bathtub, saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet, and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out, sooner or later, that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed, saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up eno
I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
-She tripped over the cordless phone.
-She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
-She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
-At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.
-If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
-When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
-She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
-She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
There once was a man from Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard on the moon;
When you'd least expect 'em
They'd burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon!!
"OK," said the psychiatrist, "let's try some tests. I'll draw something, and you say what it reminds you of."
He draws a house, and the patient says, "Sex."
He draws a square, and the patient says, "Sex."
He draws a circle, and the patient says, "Sex."
He draws a trangle, and the patient says, "Sex."
He draws a diamond, and the patient says, "Sex."
"I see; it seems to me," says the trick-cyclist,"you have a fixation with sex."
"Me? Who's drawing all these dirty pictures?"
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A man is referred to a psychiatrist because he imagines himself to be a pet dog.
"All right, lie on the couch," says the doctor.
"Sorry, I'm not allowed on the fur
Three guys, who had all died around the same time at about the same place, were waiting to take their place in Heaven. They were told by the angel that there was room for only one of them in Heaven. Their fate would be determined by the way each of them had died, so the angel went to each man and asked how they had died.
The first guy, when approached, said:
"Well, I live on the 14th floor of my apartment building and I came home early from work because I suspected that my wife had been cheating on me, and I wanted to give the other man a piece of my mind. However, when I got home there was no one in the apartment aside from my wife, but my intuition told me otherwise, so I searched the apa
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.
She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.
Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager.
The manager says he'll be right up.
The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he li
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms, but when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let th
The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower and the family included Senators and Wall Street Wizards. The family decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren.
So the family hired a fine author to put together all their research notes, only a problem arose - how to handle Great Uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair. The author said not to worry, for he could handle the story tactfully.
So the book appeared and it said...
"Great Uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and hi
El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries.
A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got caught in a particularly violent storm and sank 65 times.
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