You're so covered in dirt that if you wanted to eat a tootsie roll, you'd have to wear white gloves to keep from biting your finger!

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. -She tripped over the cordless phone. -She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. -She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. -At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius. -If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. -When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved. -She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night. -She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

Money may not grow on trees, but it would seem as if morons like you certainly do.

Our house, in the middle of my feet, Our house, which smells of cheesy feet, Our house, will always get defeat, Our house, will never eat those feet. That was a song I made up ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!!!

Two eggs were in a pan of boiling water. One egg says, "Phew, it's hot in here!" The other egg replies, "Wait till we get out of here, they smash your head in!"

Godzilla, King Kong, and a smart blonde are all on the Empire State Building. Who jumps first? None. Because none of them exist!

There were three blondes stranded on an island. They were left with one bottle of water, so the decided to have thirds of the bottle. The next day, the bottle is lying empty next to one blonde, and the other two blondes say, "Why'd you drink all the water?" and the blonde says, "But my third was at the bottom."

Little Johnny's mother took him to a supermarket to buy some food. "Anything you break comes out of your allowance money!" shouted Johnny's mother. Johnny turned around and said "But you don't give me any allowance money!" "Yes, and now you know why."

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" "I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pill

Yo mamma smells so bad, when she went into the enchanted forest, all the skunks commited suicide!

What do you call two Chinese queers? Two can chew!

Yo mamma's so poor, she can't afford to go on welfare. Yo mamma's so poor, she got thrown out of a homeless shelter. Yo mamma's so poor, she tried to use food stamps on a gumball machine. Yo mamma's so poor, a burgler broke into her house and left her some money.