Mrs. Colter was explaining that there were rules for voting in the United States. "You have to be at least eighteen, you have to be a citizen, and-" John blurts out, "And you can't vote for democrats!"* * All credit for this goes to John Rieger, who wouldn't shut up during sixth period.

The only thing truly free of charge is a dead battery.

What can a picnic table do that a musician can't do? Support a family of six!

An 80 year old man who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local country club. He went to the club for the first time to play, but was told there wasn't anybody he could play because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play. Finally, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming to the par four - 18th they were all even. The pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and 2-putt for a par. T

This joke's so old, it has mold on it! HA HA HA!

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. The car broke down. The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas." The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. -She tripped over the cordless phone. -She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. -She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. -At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius. -If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. -When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved. -She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night. -She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

I heard some guys talking about you yesterday. One said that you weren't fit to sleep with pigs, but I stuck up for you; I said you were!

What's green and turns red at the touch of a button? A frog in a liquidizer!

Our house, in the middle of my feet, Our house, which smells of cheesy feet, Our house, will always get defeat, Our house, will never eat those feet. That was a song I made up ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!!!

Two eggs were in a pan of boiling water. One egg says, "Phew, it's hot in here!" The other egg replies, "Wait till we get out of here, they smash your head in!"

Yo mama is so fat . . . Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up. Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo". Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo mama so fat we're in her right now. Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise. Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone. Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for condors. Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her . . . Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world. Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy. Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop! Yo