Popular Jokes
Q: What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat?
A: The Dolly Llama.
Any time the alarm goes off after-hours at the municipal office where I work, the security company calls me at home and I have to go back and reset it.
Late at night I got one of those calls. As I was getting ready to head out the door, my husband groggily said: "You're not going down there by yourself at this hour."
Just as I was thinking: "How thoughtful of him", he added, "Better take the dog with you."
A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River.
Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.
On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team became very discouraged and morally depressed. The American management decided the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was that the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while
the American team had 8 people steering and one person rowing.
So American management hired a consulting company and
READ SLOWLY----THESE ARE RATHER CLEVER!
1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that *leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does
10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money
11. MISTY: How golfers create divots
12. PARADOX: Two physicians
13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm
15. POLARIZE: W
A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.
During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"
A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place -- the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops p
I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Elaine, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?" At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over t
Q: How do you recognize a blonde in school?
A: They are the only ones who erase their
notebook when the teacher erases the board.
How do you know Adam wasnt black?
Have you ever tried to take a rib away from a black man?
How do you know when Mexicans are illegal?
When you scream "La Migra", and everybody is gone in less than a minute.
How do you know when a white guy's family is really white?
When he tries to be black or mexican.
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Banana !
Banana who ?
Banana split, so ice creamed !
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