Popular Jokes
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
10. You! Off my planet!
11. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
12. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
15. Suburbia: where they te
Knock knock
Who's there?
Mayonaise
Mayonaise who?
Mayonaise a lot of jokes on this website.
24 Signs that You're Getting OLD
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1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
5. You are proud of your lawn mower.
6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8. You sing along with the elevator music.
9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."
Why did the blonde bring sandpaper to the desert?
She needed a map.
Why did the blonde bring a car door to the desert?
If it got hot she could roll the window down.
How did the blonde explain her helicopter crash?
It was getting hot so I turned the ceiling fan off.
What is the latest health epidemic among blondes?
MAIDS. If they don't get one they die.
Why did the blonde wear a condom on each ear?
She didn't want to get hearing AIDS.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell; She's got a grenade in her mouth.
Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in 6
When I die I want to go peacefully - like my grandfather did - in his sleep.
Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
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