Al Gore is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box kid?" To which the little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens." Al Gore laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?" "Democrats," the child says. "Oh that's cute," Al Gore says and he runs off. A couple of days later Al Gore is running with his buddy Bill Clinton and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead. Al Gore says to Bill, "You gotta check this out," and they both jog over to the boy with the box. Al Gore says, "Look in the box Bill, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Bill what k

PARATROOPER A young army private is home on leave. He is talking to his dad about his experience at jump school while learning to be a paratrooper. "Dad" he says, "on my first jump, I froze up at the door on the plane. A big black sergeant standing behind me told me that if I didn''t jump, he was gonna cram about 12 inches of dick up my ass." "Well did you jump?" asks his dad. "Just a little at first" answered the boy.

A man and a woman are in a lamaze class, and the woman is 7 months pregnant. In this class, the lamaze instructor is trying to get the husbands to understand what their wives are going through. All the men put on fake bellies, and the lamaze instructor walks up to the first man and drops a pencil in front of him. "Okay, now pick up that pencil exactly as your wife would," says the lamaze instructor. The husband smiles slyly. "You want me to pick it up 'exactly' how my wife would? He asks. "Yes, exactly how your wife would," the lamaze instructor repeats, impatiently. The man looks at his wife, and says, "Honey, pick up that pencil."

A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: "Justice prevailed." The senior partner replied in haste, "Appeal immediately."

Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. "Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry... We can't hire you." "But wait," he says. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" The applicant reaches into his pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red con

Why do blondes hate making Kool-aid? They can't fit the 8 cups of water in the envelope!

In your next life would you rather be a female bear? If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. Could you deal with that? Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. Could you deal with that too? If you're a bear, you give birth to your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. Could you deal with that? If you're a mumma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. Could you deal with that? If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have ha

Four Catholic women are sitting in a cafe sipping their tea, talking about their great sons. Soon it begins as a contest to see who has the best son. The first woman proudly declares, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room people call him 'Father." The second woman replies even more proudly, "My son is a bishop, when he walks into a room people call him 'My Grace." The third woman thinking she wins replies, "My son is a Cardinal! When he walks into a room people say, 'My Eminence." The fourth woman says nothing but sips her tea quietly. The three women stare at her and then ask her what is so special about her son. With a smug look on her face she replies, "My son is a 6' 5" muscular

2 guys decide to go down to Mexico and start a bungee jumping business. So they go down to Mexico and start setting up the equipment on a bridge while a curious crowd gathers at the bottom of the bridge and watches. Once the equipment is set up one of the friends decides to test out the stuff. So he sets off and as he bounces back up the first time he comes up with a bloody lip. The second time he bounced back up he had a black eye and a gash on his face to go along with the bloody lip. The other friend tried to catch him but missed. The third time he came back up his face was swollen on the right side and he had blood all over his face. The friend finally caught the other man and tried to t

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"