The True Meaning of Women's Ads

40-ish....................................49 Adventurer.............................Slept with all your friends Athletic..................................No tits Average looking......................Has a face like a basset hound Beautiful................................Pathological liar Contagious Smile....................Does a lot of Ecstasy Educated..........................Banged her Political Science professor Emotionally Secure.................Medicated Feminist..................................Fat ball buster Free spirit...............................Junkie Friendship first................Trying to live down reputation as a slut Fun......................................Annoying Gentle...................................Comatose Good Listener........................Borderline Autistic New-Age...............................All body hair, all the time Old-fashioned.......Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs Open-minded..........................Desperate Outgoing................................Loud and Embarrassing Passionate..............................Sloppy drunk Poet.......................................Depressive Schizophrenic Professional............................Certified Bitch Redhead.................................Bad dye-job Reubenesque...........................Grossly Fat Romantic................................Looks better by candle light Social..............Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray Voluptuous.............................Very Fat Height/weight proportional.......Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate......................Stalker Widow................................Drove first husband to shoot himself Young at heart. .......................Old bat