Popular Jokes
Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream and hope that you might one day become a redneck?
Have you always wanted to be a Bubba and know the freedom of the redneck life, but didn't know how?
Is there an inner Cletus inside that dapper and dignified executive image, just hollerin' to get out?
Yes, we are talking to YOU, Mister Suit and Tie!
Well, now, Mister Corporate High-flyer, YOU can become the redneck you have always wanted to be!
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE? No! It's TRUE!
Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco, several extra strength large garbage bags and six cases of beer. That is all yo
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes.
She blew her stack.
Kenneth Jeffries, 24, was arrested in West Haven, Conn., in August for robbing a convenience store. Police reported that he had first offered the clerk $1 for a pack of gum as a ruse and then taken $40 in the robbery.
However, said police, Jeffries returned a minute later and asked, uncertainly, "Did I pay for the gum?"
By that time the clerk had summoned police, and Jeffries was soon apprehended.
A veterinarian was feeling ill, so he went to see his doctor.
The doctor asked all the usual questions ... what symptoms did he have, how long had they been occurring, etc., when the vet interrupted him:
"Look, doc, I'm a vet and I can't ask my patients these questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking - why can't you?" he said smugly.
The doctor nodded, stood back and looked the vet up and down. He then quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to the vet, and said, "There you go. Of course, you do understand that if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep!"
Here's a little list of "Doc-isms" - What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:
"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
"Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
You're crazier'n a loon. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me ...
"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week?"
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and th
One way to take care of the world's population.
The IRS has reported the "disappearance" of more than 8 million American children during the late 1980s, "caused" by tax reform legislation. That number is the total of all children claimed as dependents of beneficiaries of child care tax credits before 1987 but who were never again claimed once the IRS started requiring proof that such children existed.
When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado.
Reagan, 10
Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter.
Sara, 6
Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter.
Jared, 8
All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it.
Antonio, 9
My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
Katelynn, 9
Some of the angels are in charge
A business man in Chicago had occasion to write a Japanese friend in Tokyo. Mindful of the Oriental's appreciation of flowery language and of his own duty to the cause of good public relations, he ended his letter with the wish,
"May Heaven preserve you always."
To the delight of the business man's office staff, the Japanese responded with,
"May Heaven pickle you, too."
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there - if I get there; so I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."
A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.
He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."
He says "That doesn't matter."
So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.
A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.
So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.
The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.
The officer asks him what he is doing? He says licking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"
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