Yo mama so ugly, when she went to go rob a bank she didn't have to use no gun, she just reached her head over the counter and said put the money in the bag!!!!!

One night Aggie says to George "Think I'll go to bingo the night George... when I'm gone you make sure the youngsters get in and go to bed" Now George and Aggie had thirteen kids the last time they counted. So when Aggie went off to bingo, George went out and made the youngsters come in and get to bed. For about three or four hours, one little boy kept crying and crying, so George takes off up with a split and hits the floor, the little boy cries harder and harder. George sputters out "What are you bawling about?" The little boy replies "I want to go to me own home."

1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter 2. Log off: Don't add no more wood 3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove 4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck 5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to much firewood 6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood 7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter 8. Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire" 9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside 10. Screen: What to shut in fly season 11. Byte: What flies do 12. Bit: What the flies did 13. Mega Byte:

One day when Jimmy was at school, the teacher told him that for his homework he had to write out the first three letters of the alphabet. When he went home he was struggling so decided to ask his mum. His mum was in the kitchen cutting the salad when he asked her "Mum, what is the first letter of the alphabet?" Just as he had finished asking this question his mum sliced her finger open and shouted "SHIT!!!" Jimmy wrote this down and went outside to see his older brother. He asked him "big brother, whet is the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother was crouched on the floor talking to a drugged up teenager and jimmy heard him say "only if you give me some heroin!" Jimmy wrote this do

Q: How many FBI agents does it take to change a light bulb? A: I'm afraid that you are not able to receive this classified information.

Yo daddy so bald he has to have holes in his pocket to finger through his hair.

Q)Where do eskimo pigs live? A)In a pigloo.

Acquaintance: A person you know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. Bachelor: A guy who gets to keep all his take-home pay. Pedestrian: A father who has teenagers who can drive. Honesty: The fear of being caught. Zebra: A horse prisoner.

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."

When Abraham Liebowitz got to school, he discovered that he was the only Jewish kid in the class, but it's a decent town and nobody really bothered him. One day, the teacher asked the class, "Who was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?" To make it interesting, she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said, "Whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars." All of the kids called out their guesses. One said, "George Washington, because he was the father of our country." "That's excellent," said the teacher. Another said, "Abraham Lincoln, because he freed the slaves." "That's also good," said the teacher, reluctant to bestow the reply of 'excellent,' but still be

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.