Q)Where do eskimo pigs live? A)In a pigloo.

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners." The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"

Little Johnny was giving confession, and he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked. The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."

When Abraham Liebowitz got to school, he discovered that he was the only Jewish kid in the class, but it's a decent town and nobody really bothered him. One day, the teacher asked the class, "Who was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?" To make it interesting, she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said, "Whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars." All of the kids called out their guesses. One said, "George Washington, because he was the father of our country." "That's excellent," said the teacher. Another said, "Abraham Lincoln, because he freed the slaves." "That's also good," said the teacher, reluctant to bestow the reply of 'excellent,' but still be

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

A man who had been shipwrecked on a desert island for several years is starting to feel the effects of being starved of sex for so long. However, the only living creatures on the island are a dog and a pig. One day, the man decides he's had enough and thinks to himself that it has to be the pig. But every time he approaches the sow for his moment of passion the dog bites the man's backside. This continues for several days and the man is beginning to get frustrated. But one morning, the man's luck changes: out to sea he notices a beautiful young woman on the point of drowning. He swims over, drags her out on to the beach and gives her the kiss of life. The woman comes to and is very grateful.

40-ish....................................49 Adventurer.............................Slept with all your friends Athletic..................................No tits Average looking......................Has a face like a basset hound Beautiful................................Pathological liar Contagious Smile....................Does a lot of Ecstasy Educated..........................Banged her Political Science professor Emotionally Secure.................Medicated Feminist..................................Fat ball buster Free spirit...............................Junkie Friendship first................Trying to live down reputation as a slut Fun......................................Annoying Gentl

40-ish.....................................52 and looking for 25-yr-old Athletic.................. .................Watches a lot of NASCAR Average looking...........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, &back Educated..............................Will patronize the shit out of you Free Spirit........... ...................Banging your sister Friendship first...................As long as friendship involves nookie Fun.................................Good with a remote and a six pack Good looking...........................Arrogant Very good looking....................Dumb as a board Honest....................................Pathological Liar Huggable.......................Overweight, more bo

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has, tires, or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

A priest came to a dying author to read him his last rites. "Do you reject the devil?" asked the priest. "This is no time to be making enemies," replied the author.

Knock Knock. Who's there? To. To who? To you.

This is a true story that happened in a South African hospital. There was this case in the hospital where a patient always died in the same bed and on a Friday morning regardless of his medical condition. This puzzles the doctors and some even think it has something to do with the supernatural. One day, all the doctors decide to go down to the ward where it always happens on the Friday mornings. They want to take a look at what's going on. Friday morning comes and everyone's at the hospital ward waiting for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. Right at the expected time, the cleaner comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum!