The day after Halloween, Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candybar one man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little Johnny answered, "No, he but he knew how to mind his own business!"

Why do pigs STINK? Because they have four armpits..

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hackers a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the inbox with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of Java danced in their dreams. My wife on the sofa and me with a snack, We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac). When out in the Web there arose such a clatter, I jumped to the site to see what was the matter. To a new page my Mac flew like a flash, Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash! I gasped at the thought and started to grouse, Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse. When w

When you were born, God admitted that even he sometimes made mistakes!

The Americans and the Russians had a car race, in which the car from America won. However, the report in the newspapers of Russia, read as follows – "In a recent motor race, the Russian car finished in second place, while the American car finished next to last." (There were only two cars involved!)

In a classroom, the teacher tell the pupils that peanuts make your smarter. Then a pupil said: "Are you nuts?"

My mum told me that picking my nose was disgusting, and from now on, I had to pick it myself.

All you see in the sports media nowadays is the fact that athletes are taking steriods and other performance enhanceing drugs to become stronger and faster. So instead of going out and buying a new car I put some steriods in the gas tank.... I wonder if I will get the same result?

You know what your problem is? Your brain is too tense... too tense the size of everybody else's.

A man walks into a bar and throws down a bet. 100 dollars to anyone who can do 100 pushups. A man disappears outside and returns minutes later. "I'll take that bet" the man says, and collapses after 50 pushups. "I don't get it", he says," I just did 150 outside!"

What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza? -------------- a large pizza can feed a family of four What do sperm and black men have in common? -------------- only one in a million work!!

A man was sitting in a plane when another man sat down in the seat beside him. The new fellow was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. "Hey, pal, what's the matter?" the first fellow asked. "I've been transferred to Los Angeles, California," he answered nervously. "They have riots, drugs, the highest crime rate in the country ... " "Wait a minute," the first fellow said. "I've lived in L.A. all my life and I can assure you it's nowhere near as bad as the media reports. Find yourself a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world." The second fellow stopped shaking for a moment and