You're so stupid, you threw a rock at the ground and missed.

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one has ever been before, but they decide to go anyway. They take a couple of guns and a hunting dog and head out into the woods. A few hours later, they still haven't caught anything. "I don't get it," says the first blonde. "Why haven't we caught anything yet?" The second blonde says,"I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough."

What is 4-2? two. What is 8-6? two. Who wrote Tom Sawyer? Twain Now say the answers altogether. Two two Twain. Have a nice twip!

Knock knock? Who's there? Water. Water who? Water you doing?

I heard they were going to name a highway after Willie Nelson in Texas... But be Warned: When taking this highway look out for pot holes!

Did you know in 1923, the following men were considered some of the world's most successful men . . . at least they found the secret of making money. Whereas, in 1987, more than 60 yrs. later, do you know what became of these men? The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper. The president of the largest gas company, Howard Hopson, went insane. The president of the New York Stock Exchange, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad insolvent. The president of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself and the greatest bear on Wall Street, Casabee Rivermore, died by suicide. The sam

Why did the blonde bring sandpaper to the desert? She needed a map. Why did the blonde bring a car door to the desert? If it got hot she could roll the window down. How did the blonde explain her helicopter crash? It was getting hot so I turned the ceiling fan off. What is the latest health epidemic among blondes? MAIDS. If they don't get one they die. Why did the blonde wear a condom on each ear? She didn't want to get hearing AIDS. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell; She's got a grenade in her mouth. Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in 6

Yo momma so ugly her reflection quit. Yo momma so old that when I slapped her back her boobs fell off. Yo momma so fat when she stepped in the deepest part of the ocean, she got her foot wet. Yo momma so old and fat, she told us about the story of how she farted and killed all the dinosaurs.

A boy walked up to a man and asked, "Hey mister, wanna donate to the WE NEED HELP children's fund?" the man said, "No, but I will donate a pack of listerine bottles because I hope all of the kids' breath don't smell as bad as yours!" (real life situation)

When I die I want to go peacefully - like my grandfather did - in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

Sam: "Cas, phone for you!" Cas: "Okay, thanks, Sam." --BEEP OF PHONE BEING TURNED ON-- "Hello? Oh, hi...." --AFTER PHONE CONVERSATION-- Sam: "So, who was it?" Cas: "Heather." Sam: "What did she want?" Cas: "Our phone number."