In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini Skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzip

Q. What are the strongest days of the week? A. Saturday and Sunday, because all the rest are week days.

If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam".

You're so ugly when you go outside your arrested for indecent exposure.

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help. "Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important." Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."

With the daily time taken working on computers, avoiding things like RSI and any strain related illnesses is crucial to maintaining a healthy working environment. The following excercise has been devised by medical experts in the field of RSI research to ensure that if performed, will place the exerciser in a position of minimal risk. Simply follow the on-screen instructions. Scroll down. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it is my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

- "Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning.'" - "I can't help it -- my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!!" - "Nice Asimov." - "Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody." - "Earth woman, prepare to be probed!" - "I'm the droid you're looking for." - "Is that a spare Vulcan ear in your pocket or... well, I'm just asking because some jerk in the parking lot pulled off one of my Vulcan ears." - "Hey, baby. I own Microsoft." - "Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach is imminent.'" - "If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you watch me masturbate while I download pictures of Jeri Ryan?"

Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the armadillo that it was possible. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Colonel Sanders! Why did the chicken cross the road twice? Because it was a double-crosser. Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road? To take over the other side. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. Why did the chicken cross the beach? To get to the other tide. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Chickens hadn't evolved yet.

The Declarizzle of Independence of tha Thirteen Colonies In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776 The unanimous Declarizzles of tha thirteen united States of America, W-H-to-tha-izzen in tha Course of human events, it becomes necessary fo` one thugz ta Dissolve tha politizzles bands which hizzle connected thizzem wit motherfucka n ta Assume among tha powa of tha earth, tha separate n equal station ta whizzay The Laws of Nature n of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect ta tha Opinions of mankind requires that tizzle should declare tha causes which impel Them ta tha separizzles. We hold these truths ta be self-evizzles that all men is created equal, that They is endowed by they Creator wit cert

How many Russian leaders does it take to change a lightbulb? We don't know. Russian leaders don't last as long as lightbulbs.