Remember, no-one is listening until you fart.

One time, when I was a kid, I forgot to do my homework, so I stole someone else's and turned it in. After class, the teacher pulled me over. She asked why I didn't turn in the homework. I said, guess I forgot to change the name on it!

A man accused of robbing a bank was tried for the final time and was found guilty. Just before he was taken away, the man looked the judge in the eye and said, "Would it be okay if I called you a son of a bitch?" The judge's face went red and he roared, "It most certainly would not! I'd add another two years onto your sentence!" The defendant nodded and then asked, "Would it be okay if I THOUGHT you were a son of a bitch?" The judge was becoming very annoyed but replied, "Yes, I suppose that would be okay. I obviously have no control over your thoughts." The defendant smiled and said, "Well, in that case, judge, I think you are a son of a bitch!"

Three men, a French, Chinese, and American, decided to have a contest. They wanted to see whose dog could go the longest without going to the bathroom. The Chinese man won after a few hours. A news reporter asked him how he acheived such a feat. He replied, in a rather sing-song way, "Me Chinese, me no dumb, me stick rock up doggie's bum!"

Every Sunday 3 boys would go to church and confess. So the first boy went up to the priest. The priest says "What have you done bad in your life son". The boy responds with "I've swore to my mother." The priest says,"Take one sip of holy water." The second boys goes up to the priest and the priest asks, "What have you done bad in your life son?" The boy responds with, "I've stolen something". The priest says "Take two sips of holy water." After every sip the third boy is laughing his head off. So the third boy goes up to the priest and the priest says, "What have you done bad in your life son" The boy responds with, "I peed in the holy water."

There was once a big ol' tough bear strolling through the forest looking for some silly hunter to maul, when he suddenly got the urge to pass the last hunter he had eaten. He stopped by the side of the path and proceeded to dump away. Well, as he was sitting there, a cute little bunny came bounding along merrily on his way and stopped right beside the bear and also took a dump. Well, the bear was finishing up and hadn't really said a word to the little bunny so popped a question, "Do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur, little bunny?" The bunny looked up and replied, "Why no, certainly not." Immediately the bear picked up the bunny and wiped his ass with him.

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test. And best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home. EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough. EXERCISE TWO: Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one br

U.S. President Calvin Coolidge and his wife allegedly visited a poultry farm. During the tour, Mrs. Coolidge inquired of the farmer how his farm managed to produce so many fertile eggs with such a small number of roosters. The farmer proudly explained that his roosters performed their duty dozens of times each day. "Perhaps you could point that out to Mr. Coolidge," pointedly replied the First Lady. The President, overhearing the remark, asked the farmer, "Does each rooster service the same hen each time?" "No," replied the farmer, "there are many hens for each rooster." "Perhaps you could point that out to Mrs. Coolidge," replied the President.

இருட்டுக் கடை அல்வான்னு தப்பா வண்டிக்கு வச்சிருந்த கிரீச சாப்ட்டுட்டேன் டாக்டர்...அடப்பாவி... கிரீஸ் இனிக்காதே திங்கிறப்ப சந்தேகம் வரலையா...!?சந்தேகம் வந்துச்சி டாக்டர்... ஆனா அது சுகர் ப்ரீ அல்வாவா இருக்கும்னு தின்னுட்டேன்...

Why is boxing a sport? If I beat someone up in an alley and someone sees it, I get arrested. If I beat someone up in an arena where thousands see it happen, I get cheered. I've done both. I like the alley better though.

A bear and a rabbit are walking together and they find a magic lamp. They decide to rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, "Thank you for releasing me I will give you both 3 wishes." The bear thinks and says, "I wish all the other bears in this forest were lady bears." Then the rabbit says, "I wish for a little motorcycle that is perfect for me." The genie grants both wishes. Then the bear decides his second will be for all the bears in the country besides him to be female The rabbit wishes for a little helmet that fits his head and has holes for his ears. Then the bear says, "Why not have all the bears in the world be girls." Then the rabbit, thinking quickly, says, "I

Little Johnny kept spelling the word "went" wrong, instead he spelt "whent". His teacher, who was very fusterated, decided to keep him after class to spell "went" 100 times. The next day she comes into the classroom, thinking he learned his lesson, and sees the whole board is full of the word "went". But at the end... "I wrote "went" 50 times, then I ran out of space, so I whent home"