We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they're still getting in!

LOVE: A word involving four letters, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots. It refers to a disease that can be cured by marriage. ARCHITECT: A guy not "macho" enough to be an engineer and not queer enough to be an interior designer. TO DANCE: It refers to the vertical frustration of a horizontal desire. BRAIN: An organ that allows us to think we think. BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an idiot guided by an idiot dressed like a child. HEADACHE: A woman's most trustworthy modern contraceptive. BUST: Statue of a man without hands or the parts of a woman where a man's hands have been. ORAL EXAM: A test you must pass to become an intern in the White house. A POLITICAL CANDIDATE: A pers

My survey which I conducted said that 8 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.

Q. Why should you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs? A. Because you might step in a poodle.

A little guy is seated next to a big guy at a bar and asks his name. The big guy says, "They call me Tex." The little guy replies, "Oh, you must be from Texas." The big guy says, "Nope. I'm from Louisiana." "Hmmm," the little guy replies, "Then why do they call you Tex?" The big guy looks down at him and says, "Would you like to try calling me Louise?"

Knock-Knock Who's there Jack Jack Who I don't know any jack

Yo Momma so fat, you can see her from space.

You're so slow that if you were a train engine, the caboose would be leading.

Teacher: Alvin, how many letters are in the alphabet? Alvin: 18. Teacher: Wrong, there are 26. Alvin: No, teacher, there used to be 26, but ET went home in a UFO and the CIA went after him.

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one has ever been before, but they decide to go anyway. They take a couple of guns and a hunting dog and head out into the woods. A few hours later, they still haven't caught anything. "I don't get it," says the first blonde. "Why haven't we caught anything yet?" The second blonde says,"I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough."

What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears? Dinner at Hooters.

A famous blonde actress and her husband are going to meet an American. However, her husband has forgotten the young man's name. Later, the young man asks for an autograph. She asks, trying to find his name out, "How do you spell your name?" Upon hearing this, he said,"B-E-N A long time ago when I saw your first play on Broadway and got an autograph, you knew how to spell it."