I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings, at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from e-mail. Amen."

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it, Said he with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it!

What's the difference between a bad lawyer and a good lawyer? A bad lawyer can have a case drag on for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Q. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A. A good start! Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A. His lips are moving. Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A. There are skid marks in front of the skunk. Q. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A. Professional courtesy. Q. What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A. Not enough sand. Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A. A Lobotomy. Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers? A. Who cares? Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers? A. A waste of cement. Q. How do you stop a lawyer from

A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Justin," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Justin answered the correct airline. "Sandra, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Sandra answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now Allison, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And Allison answered, "Mom..."

When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado. Reagan, 10 Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter. Sara, 6 Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter. Jared, 8 All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it. Antonio, 9 My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth. Katelynn, 9 Some of the angels are in charge

A midget walks into a bar and trips over some sh*t left on the floor. Luckily no one saw him, so to avoid embarrassment, he doesn't make a fuss about it. So he goes to bar and orders a drink. A few minutes later a big fella comes to the bar and trips over the same piece of sh*t. The midget smiles and says, "I just did that". So the big fella comes over to the midget and knocks him out.

Press Release Scare At Adelaide F.C. (Football Club) Headquarters Training at West Lakes was delayed nearly two hours late this morning, after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the ground. Initially the Club thought it was a prank! Team manager Neil Craig immediately suspended training, while police and the ASIO (Australia Special Investigations Office) were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, SA Police forensic experts determined that the white substance, unfamiliar to most of the players, was in fact, the goal line. Practice will resume this afternoon after police and ASIO decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. Samurai Bank is soldiering on, following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is f

W a t e r 1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half the world population.) 2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger. 3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%. 4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study. 5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue. 6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers. 7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and diff

Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going "To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right..."

A husband & wife are talking. Husband: "How many times have you cheated on me?" Wife: "Only twice." Husband: "Tell me about them." Wife: "Remember when you were very sick, and we didn't have money to pay for the doctor? Well, I slept with him." Husband: "That's not so bad; and the other?" Wife: "Remember when you were running in the elections, and you needed 450 votes?"