What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? Utter destruction.

Joel: "How's the progress on new house that you are building Pete?" Peter: "Things are really slow at the moment." Joel: "Yeah, I guess all this rain would be putting a dampener on things..."

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes whack, dang. A bad skydiver goes dang, whack.

What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, l

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Half of an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes, I will," replied the student. He the

One day a couple of kids named "Poop", "Shut-Up", and "Manners" were on a bus. All of a sudden Poop falls out of the window! Manners jumps out of the bus to save him. So, Shut-Up runs to the bus driver to get some help. The bus driver asks him, "What's your name?!" "Shut-Up." At this point the bus driver is mad. He asks, "Where are your manners?!" Shut-Up replies, "Outside picking up Poop."

There was a dyslexic insomniac agnostic. He laid awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but it takes a certified electrician to make it work.