Joel: "How's the progress on new house that you are building Pete?" Peter: "Things are really slow at the moment." Joel: "Yeah, I guess all this rain would be putting a dampener on things..."

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A start.

Economic times were very bad, so the plant owner had a difficult time finding people to work in his new factory. In an act of desperation, he hired a tribe of cannibals. At their orientation he made it very clear that he would not tolerate any acts of cannibalism in the plant. Three months went by without incident, when all of a sudden a secretary disappeared without a trace. The manager rounded up all of the cannibals. "If I find out that one of you ate the secretary," he said, "I'm going to fire all of you!" and with that, stormed out of the room. After he left the room, one of the cannibals stood up and said, "This is a disgrace! For months we've been eating managers and no one has e

What do you call an intelligent blonde? A Golden Retriever

Did you hear about the scientists who crossed a porcupine with a sheep? They got an animal that knits its own sweaters.

Yo Momma so dirty she has to sneak up on the water

"Dear Mother and Dad, It has been three months now since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not writing before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read further unless you are sitting down, okay? Well, then, I'm getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival here is pretty well healed. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get those sick headaches once a day. Fortunately, the fire in the dormito

Yo moma's like a mail box, open all day and all night.

Q. How do you keep a blond from whistling while she is skydiving? A. Make sure she wears underwear.

Blond's Letter to Bill Gates Dear Mr. Bill Gates, This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice. 1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is. 2. We

A duck walked into a store one day and asked the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk said, "No." So the duck walked out and came back the next day and said, "You got any grapes?" and the clerk said, "No." So the duck walked out and came in next time and said, "You got any grapes?" and the clerk said, "No, and if you come in again and ask if we have any grapes, I'll staple your feet to the floor." So the duck walked out and came in again and said, "You got any staples?" the clerk said, "No..." so the duck said, "You got any grapes?

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression. The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"