One day there were 3 children that were sent to the head of the school's office. Their names were Fly, Dick and Piss. When they got there, no one was there so Fly hid on the desk, Dick hid under the desk and Piss started to jump around. When the head of the school got there he said "Fly down, Dick up and Piss on the floor!"

FLATTERY - What your kid does when they want something. EAT VEGETABLES - What your kid does when they want dessert. Usually. BEG, CRY, or WHINE - What your kid does when they want something you don't want to give them. CALL - What your kid does when they get a good grade. "FORGET" TO CALL - What your kid does when they do NOT get a good grade. BRUSH TEETH - What your kid promises to do so you will let them eat candy. And then they forget. DRINK MILK - What your kid does after they heat it up and add hot chocolate powder. SPILL WATER - What your kid does when they want to drink soda instead. DROP THEIR LUNCH - What your kid does when they don't like what you made for them. PRETEND TO

There are three men a plane; an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. When each of them flew over their country they dropped an item. When the plane flew over England, the Englishman dropped a rose; when the plane flew over Scotland, the Scotsman dropped a thistle, and finally, when the plane flew over Ireland, the Irishman dropped a bomb.(Yes, Irishmen are crazy!) They then flew over all the countries again, but passing by where they dropped the items. In England the rose had dropped in a bus station and a woman was weeping. They asked, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said in reply, "Well, the Lord sent me a rose but I'm allergic to them." Next, they journeyed over to Scotland. In Sc

This is a fun way to irritate your friends and family on your answering machine! On your answering machine - "Hello?" pause, "What's up?" pause again, "Oh, well you must feel pretty stupid right now because you're talking to my answering machine! So leave a message!" Beep.

Four-year-old Robert tells his kindergarten teacher that he has a new baby brother, called Spot. "Spot?" says the teacher. "Are you sure it's not a puppy your Dad bought you?" Robert was adamant that his brother's name was Spot - until next morning, when he issued a correction. "Actually, it's Mark."

Speak your mind out when you're angry. You'll make the best speech you'll ever live to regret.

Knock knock? Who's there? Madame. Madame who? Madame foot is stuck in the door!! (My damn foot is stuck in the door.)

Knock knock. Who's there? Cows. Cows who? No, owls hoo, cows moo.

Yo momma so ugly when i punch her she looks better than before.

Yo momma's so fat that when I take a picture of her and hang it on the wall, it still falls down!

What did Margie say about her brain surgeon? "I really gave him a piece of my mind!"

Why should you look out for a pig that knows karate? It might give you a pork chop!