Josh was never the most gifted child, but for this he couldn't really be blamed. His mother, Maria, was no better than him. However, the singular talent that he possessed was an odd one: He could memorize everything he ate. His mother didn't see this as satisfactory, but she decided to put his talent to good use; how you ask? Simply by writing, "Brilliant! Be brilliant!" on his lunch bag!

Don't worry, you aren't fat. You're only "fluffy"!

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north, and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Wi

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 1 RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols - feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announ

(To understand this joke you should read the Wocka joke entitled: December 1st. Enjoy.) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 2nd RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy

(To fully enjoy this joke, please read the Wocka jokes entittled: December 1st December 2nd Enjoy!) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 3rd RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of "Alcoholics Anonymous" requesting a non-drinking table - you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Forget about the gifts exchange. No gift exchangements are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WI

(To truely enjoy this joke you should first read Wocka jokes: December 1st. December 2nd. December 3rd. Enjoy!) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 7th RE: Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy bags. Will that work?

(To understand this joke, you should read the Wocka jokes: December 1st. December 2nd. December 3rd. December 7th. Enjoy!) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 10th RE: The Holiday Party Vegetarians? I've had it with you people! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not. So you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your salad bar (including organic tomatoes). But you know, tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! The Bitch

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 14 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays!

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet. Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries. Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed. Pekinese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog. Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle. Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists everywhere. Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors. Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes. Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, a dog that....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway. Collie +

WARNING: if your answer "yes" to any of these questions then you know that you are weird and you believe too much in dragons. Ocasionally when you see a bird do you find yourself saying "O merlin hand me my mighty sword so I can slay this foul dragon"? Do you find yourself trying to rob a bank with a bow and arrow? Do you have any "magic staffs" lying around? Do you search for dragon eggs for at least 1 hour every day? Do you refer to your car as your "trusty steed"? Do your think your phone is a magical scrying device? When you call the cops, do you call them the saviors? Have you ever seen yourself writing in an ancient language(A.K.A. gibberish.)? When you kill something or when

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