Why does a blonde smile at lightning? She thinks she's getting her picture taken.

What if people bought cars like they buy Computers? The car companies don't have help lines for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, imagine if they did..... Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you? Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened! Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it? Customer: What's an ignition? Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine. Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms to use my car. Helpline: Toyota Helpline, how can I help you? Customer: M

Q. If you are an AMERICAN when you go into the bathroom and you are an AMERICAN when you come out of the bathroom....What are you WHILE you are in the bathroom? A. EUROPEAN... of course!

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on th

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one." The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home." POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family. Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too." POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts cryi

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" asks the blonde. "Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed." "Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer told him he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?" The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

Why did a blonde take an empty glass and a glass full of water to bed? She wasn't sure if she would get thirsty during the night.

What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? Thank you for the refill.

A man dies and goes to hell. When he arrives Satan gives him a choice of what eternal punishment he'll be given. They go to a wall with 3 doors. Satan opens the first door and there are people standing on their heads on blocks of ice. The man says, "No way, I cant do this punishment." So they move on to the next room. Satan opens the second door and there are people standing on their heads on a brick floor. The man says, "No way, that would give me headaches forever." So they move on to the next room. Satan opens the door and inside there are people sitting in cow manure drinking tea and eating cookies. The man figures it can't be that bad so he chooses to spend eternity in that room. Just

How many republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they only screw the poor.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lighbulb? None, they just assume they've gone blind.