When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER Wired: THE LAST NEW THING Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR Readers Digest: 'BYE Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS? Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET! America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES. Inc.

A crab and an ant lost their homes. The crab says to the ant, "I'm going to find us a place to sleep tonight." They're walking and the crab sees a naked lady walking towards them. "Hey, ant. You see that lady? We're going to crawl up to her bush and go to sleep there tonight." Once up there, the crab say's to the ant, "You see that door? You go up there and sleep tonight and I'll sleep in her bush." That night when they were asleep the lady had a guy friend come over and they had sex. That morning the ant say to the crab, "How did you sleep, Crab?" The crab says, "Great. How did you sleep, Ant?" "Well," the ant says "in that door you sent me at about two o'clock in the morning,

Yo momma so stupid she ties her shoes with spahgetti so she can eat and run.

You know your are in Alaska when you go to court and they ask you where you were on the night of October to April!

Yo momma so bald, I can read her mind

Can a mane date the sister of his widow? No, because you can't date when you are dead.

Person #1: "Want to hear a joke?" Person #2: "Sure." Person #1: "Your face." ~ Your momma is so fat, she is overweight. ~ Two turds were hanging out. The first one was moaning and groaning. The second one asked, "What's wrong?" The first one replied, "I feel like crap."

Once, there was a blonde who called her boyfriend and said, "Baby, I'm working on this puzzle and it's really hard. Can you come and help me?" He asked what it looked like and she replied saying that there was a tiger on the box. The boyfriend was convinced to come over and help. She welcomed him at the door and showed him the mess of pieces on her coffee table. After observing the peices, the boyfriend said, "Okay, sweetie, let's sit down, relax, have some coffee, then can we please put the frosted flakes back in the box?"

D.A.R.E. sadly doesn't stand for Drugs Are Really Excellent.

Yo momma so stupid she asked to buy a vowel on Wheel of Fortune and said "S"

Little Johnny Clever was in Mrs. Gleason's 3rd grade class for just a couple of weeks when he ran home to his mom and showed her a little 3x3 piece of paper. It had the word "Homework" crossed out in a circle with a slash (the very same you see with no smoking signs) "What is this?" The mother said inquiringly. "Its a no homework pass mommy! I raised my hand the most in class. All you have to do is sign it and I dont have to do any homework for tonight!" says Johnny excitedly! 'Well thats a good thing to keep kids interested in the subject and class participation. I bet this teacher's been teaching for quite a while!' thought his mother as she signed the slip for him. So the next d

- You're so stupid, you got locked inside a grocery store and starved to death! - You're so big, you play pool with the planets! - You're so fat, when you went outside in yellow clothes, someone screamed, "TAXI!" - You're so big, when you go to the movies, you sit next to everybody! - You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped your parents. - You're so stupid, the three stooges use you as an inspiration!