If you copy from your textbooks, it's making good use of what you've learnt. If you copy from anywhere else, it's plagiarism.

3 year old kid: "Guess what? Daddy got you a pway-station!" 7 year old kid: "Really??!! Where is it?" 3 year old: "It's in p-one mile!"

I have a friend named Ben who says the dardest things. Me an a different friend have compiled a list of the best ones _____________________________ Max: Have you noticed that people with lisps can't say lisp? Ben: Really?.. Lisp, Max: Ben you don't have a lisp -.- _____________________________ They make up some excuse about an over-time relationship thing. You mean long distance? _____________________________ shut up you criticism _____________________________ You know max, you get what you dish out and if you don't like it get out of the kitchen. _______________________________ I think it's a spiff or something! ********************************* Okay but you can't wake up on pur

Cop to boy: Which of the two fighting in the street is your father? Boy: I don't know. That's what they're fighting about!

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

Teacher: Billy, tell me the periodic for water. Billy:Okay. H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: What makes you say that? Billy: You said it was H to O.

What happens to you if you can not read? Well, since you'll probably be staying in Kindergarten, less homework!

Science Teacher: Now, now class settle down. Today we will be learning about Biology. Girl: Oh boy! An entire unit about buying! I've bought a lot of things like earrings, and rings, and necklaces, and bracelets... Math Teacher: Okay class. Today we will be learning about subtraction. Boy: Hooray! I know everything there is to know about sub tracks because my father owns a train station. did you know that sub tracks are like regular tracks but...

A boy and his mom were playing the new game of life were you could put your house were you wanted it. The boy put it on the left side. On his next turn he moved it onto the right side. The mom asked why he did that and he said, "I wanted to live on the other side of life."

Music student: We played the beatles last night! Gym student:who won?

(A father is letting five kids make a complete mess of the restaurant. They're ripping napkins and using it as confetti, breaking chopsticks and screaming their little heads off.) Me: "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to tell them to stop doing that. They are disturbing the other customers." Father: *beaming* "No." Me: "No, as in, no you won't tell them to stop it?" Father: *still beaming*"Yes." (I have to get back to work at this point and sure enough, the kids keep misbehaving. Several customers complain to me but I have no authority to throw them out. The last to complain is a table with about eight young guys.) Customer 1: "So there's nothing you can do about them?" Me: "I'm so v

(I am shelving DVDs in a library when a man comes in with a boy who appears to be autistic. The boy sees a movie about Thanksgiving.) Boy: "Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving! I'm thankful... I'm thankful for... I'm thankful for my friends at school!" Caretaker: "You're thankful for your friends at school?" Boy: "Yeah! Yeah and... and... what are you thankful for? Are you thankful for your friends?" Caretaker: *no response* Boy: "Are you thankful for me?" Caretaker: "I'm thankful for you, kid. I'm more thankful for you than all my friends in the world." Boy: *smiles*