Would you hit a woman with a baby? No, I'd hit her with a brick.

A schoolteacher is leading her students through a park, and they see a baby hare. These are city kids, and have never seen a hare. "Do you know who this is?" asks the teacher. No one knows. "Come on kids", says the teacher trying to lead the children to the answer, "He's a character in many stories, songs and poems we always read." One student "figures it out," pats the hare and says reverently, "So *that's* what you're like, Grandpa Lenin!"

The following is based off a true story. In my high school english class our english teacher Ms. Simoff had given us homework to do and if we didn't do it we wouldn't be allowed to watch a movie. The next day my friend Jason came in and told the teacher that he did not do his homework. The teacher sent him to another classroom to finish his work. When he asked why he was in trouble Ms. Simoff said, "Because you didn't do what I asked you to last night." The class proceeded to burst into laughter.

Before he left on a business trip, the father took his young son aside. "Terence, I'm trusting you to take care of the family while I'm gone. You're going to be the man of the house." Comprehending the gravity of the situation, Terence replied soberly, "In that case, I'm gonna need the remote."

A twelve-year-old boy received a journal as a birthday gift. He looked at it carefully, but was mystified. "Mom, what's the deal with this book? All the pages are blank," he asked. "That's called a journal," she explained. "You write down interesting stuff that happens to you." His face brightened as he caught her drift. "So it's kinda like a blog, only on paper?"

If you copy from your textbooks, it's making good use of what you've learnt. If you copy from anywhere else, it's plagiarism.

3 year old kid: "Guess what? Daddy got you a pway-station!" 7 year old kid: "Really??!! Where is it?" 3 year old: "It's in p-one mile!"

I have a friend named Ben who says the dardest things. Me an a different friend have compiled a list of the best ones _____________________________ Max: Have you noticed that people with lisps can't say lisp? Ben: Really?.. Lisp, Max: Ben you don't have a lisp -.- _____________________________ They make up some excuse about an over-time relationship thing. You mean long distance? _____________________________ shut up you criticism _____________________________ You know max, you get what you dish out and if you don't like it get out of the kitchen. _______________________________ I think it's a spiff or something! ********************************* Okay but you can't wake up on pur

Cop to boy: Which of the two fighting in the street is your father? Boy: I don't know. That's what they're fighting about!

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

Teacher: Billy, tell me the periodic for water. Billy:Okay. H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: What makes you say that? Billy: You said it was H to O.

What happens to you if you can not read? Well, since you'll probably be staying in Kindergarten, less homework!