A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!" -------------------- On the way home from the first day of school, the father asked his son, "What did you do at school today?" The little boy shrugged his shoulders and said, "Nothing". Hoping to draw his son into conversation, the father persisted and said, "Well, did you learn about any numbers, study certain letters, or maybe a particular color?" The perplexed child looked at his father and said, "Daddy, didn't you go to school when you were a little boy?"

James came to school late. TEACHER: James, why are you late? JAMES: I had to take the cow to the bull to mate. TEACHER: Couldn't your father do that? JAMES: No, I think it's better for the bull to do it.

A teacher came into a class and told the students, "Class we have a new student..........go on tell us your name". The boy replied "I'm-a-bad-boy-from-tennesse-I'll-kick-your-ass-from-tree-to-tree". The teacher said, "What!!!!". The boy repeated "I'm-a-bad-boy-from-tennesse-I'll-kick-your-ass-from-tree-to-tree". The teacher said, "Go to the principal's office". When he got there, the principal said, "Whats your name son?" "I'm-a-bad-boy-from-tennesse-I'll-kick-ur-ass-from-tree-to-tree," the boy answered. The principal said "What!!!!". The boy repeated "I'm-a-bad-boy-from-tennesse-I'll-kick-your-ass-from-tree-to-tree". "Go home and stay there for 5 days," the principal said. While

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jello and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." The second kid replies, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!

We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they're still getting in!

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Jacob, a three year old boy, is excited about the birth of his little sister, Olivia. One morning, Jacob's mom is giving Olivia a bath, when Jacob asks "Mom, where's her pp?" The mom explains that boys have pp's and girls don't. Just to make sure he understands, she brings out a magazine, and points to a girl and said "What does she have?" and he responds "No pp." She tells him good job and points to a man and he responds "pp." Then she points to George W. Bush and asks "Whats this?" he responds "tough call"

One day, a teacher at an elementary school asks one of her students how clouds form. She replied "I'm not sure how clouds form, but the clouds know how to form, and that's the important thing...."

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Norfolk to Las Vegas. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said that she had. Smiling, she then said, "Tell your Mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."

Three boys are walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is just looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out, "I am the ghost of Auntie Mabel and this five dollars stays on the table!" The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again. The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, "I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!"

"Danny," asked Mrs Waters, "What's usually used as a conductor of electricity?" "Why- er..." "Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?" "The what??" That's absolutely right. The watt."

A father asked his son: "Why do you take the medicine before it's time? " The son answered:" To surprise the germs! "