Years ago when I was working at Customer Service for a gardening company, I came across this tale. It is completely true! A lady came in looking for a soaker hose (a hose that drips water into the soil every few minutes) I helped her find it, but soon, she came back with a complaint. "What's the problem," I asked. "It leaks."

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

So there was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they were running from the police but all they could find was a barn. They were in a hurry to hide so the brunette hid in the horse's stable, the redhead hid in a tree, and the blonde hid behind a few boxes of oranges. When the policemen came to the barn, they went to the horses stable and the policeman heard something. "Wait!" he said. "I hear breathing!" But the brunette went, "Neigh! Neigh!" "Oh, it's just a horse," the policeman said. Then he walked around and came upon a tree and heard breathing. "Stop!" he said. "I hear breathing in the tree!" "Caww! Caww!" went the redhead. "Oh,it's just a bird," said the policeman. Next, the pol

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble." "I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefu

Here's the background: Bill works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of CSUC; Chuck is his boss and the owner of the truck, and yes, according to Bill, this actually happened. (Chuck is telling the story). Her: Yes, I'd like a milk with some coffee in it. Me: So, that's just a splash of coffee in a milk? Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee. Me: Is there more milk or coffee? Her: Oh, definitely more coffee. Me: So that's a coffee with some extra milk. Her: Just the usual amount of milk. Me: A coffee with milk. Her: Yes. Me: Anything else? Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine? Me: We do have decaf. Her: No, I don't want decaf, ju

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, yo

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But... what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a bitch called back."

A blonde bought a new car that has a computer which can fix the car when anything happens. So she went and blew the engine and the computer said, "In the name of the manufacturer, get fixed," and it was fixed. Then she broke the window and the computer said, "In the name of the manufacturer, get fixed," and it was fixed. Then she said to herself "It's time for the ultimate test," and she jumped from the bridge and the computer said, "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen."

A guy asks a young blonde woman he's just slept with, "Am I the first guy you ever made love to?" The blonde ashes out her cigarette and replies, "You might be. Your face looks familiar."

One day a blonde and her brunette friend were listening to music together. The brunette had a few songs the blonde loved and so the brunette offered to burn a CD for her friend. "No, no," the blonde said, "I can burn my own CD" so the brunette lent the blonde the CD and they both went home. The next day the brunette went over to the blonde's house and saw lots of fire engines and smoke and a smoldering lump where the blonde's house had been. The blonde was off to the side looking angry. When she saw the brunette she stomped over and asked, "how exactly do you burn your CDs, because I tried using matches and it so did not work!"

Why did the Irish people jump on the bartender? He said, "The drinks are on me."

One day a blonde and her boyfriend went to a car store. He asks her what car she wants but she says, "I dunno." So he takes her around to all the car shops and she says, "I want the BMW." He asks her why she wants a BMW and she says, "Because I dunno how to spell the other brands!"