Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." A bit later, they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well." Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity ... one of the girls must be dying'."

Did you hear about the thieves that broke into the United Jewish Appeal offices? They got away with over a million dollars in pledges!

[Jesus signed on at 11:29 pm.] Jesus: Hello and welcome to the kingdom of heaven! Bob: Oh wow you mean I can come in? Jesus: All are welcome. Tell me what is the way you died? Bob: Well I was in a coma. Half my family wanted me on life support half didn't. Jesus: I see... Bob: Oh crap brb [Bob went away at 11:31 pm.] Jesus: ? :( [Bob came back at 11:45 pm.] Bob: Sorry other half of the family Jesus: I see... now this is- Bob: brb [Bob went away at 11:47 pm.] Jesus: ... [Bob came back at 11:59 pm.] Bob: They just can't make up their minds! Jesus: Clearly... Bob: So Heaven eh? Jesus: Yea it's the most [Bob went away at 12:02 am] Jesus: Screw this. [Jesus signed out at 12:03 am.] [Bob came back

Two people were at a bar resting when one said, "I wish I was God." The other said, "Are you mad?" And the other says, "How could you say such a thing?" and the reply is, "I don't want to have to lose all of Buddha's fat!"

Saint Peter asked the new arrival, "And what bad things did you do while you were on Earth?" The man thought a moment. "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale, and I had some extra-marital sex, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't technically have "sexual relations". I lied some, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I never committed perjury." Saint Peter looked concerned. "Okay, here's the deal," said Saint Peter. "We'll send you someplace very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell'. You'll be there for an indefinite time, but we won't call it 'eternity,' and you don't need to 'abandon all hope' upon entering, but don

The three wise men went to visit Jesus right after he was born. One wise man was extremely tall. He hit his head on the top of the door frame and said, ''Jesus Christ!'' Joseph looked at Mary and said ''Write that down -- that's way better than Clyde!''

If Jesus was born on the computer age, he would just use the internet to spread his word unlike his time, he needs to journey across the world.

whats hitlers least favourite planet ? - jewpiter

Those Wonderful Church Bulletins. The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

Once there was a large group of mexicans who made a club called the I love Mayonnaise Club. And they made this club days before the titanic set sail. And on the titanic there was a large, large case of mayonnaise. And later when the titanic sank, this group was very sad so they formed a holiday called "Sink-o Da-Mayo"

The "bishop" came to our church today The was a fucken impostor He never once moved diagonally

A man was kneeling by his bed, praying. His wife walks in and asks "Whatcha doin'?" The man - once finishing - says "Praying." "Whatcha prayin for?" says the lady. "Guidance." "Don't pray for guidance, pray for stiffness and I'll guide it myself!"