Two elderly priests and a young novitiate were at the railway station to buy train tickets to Pittsburgh. The young lady selling tickets was very pretty, and was wearing a rather low-cut dress which showed her ample mammaries to great advantage. The novitiate approached the ticket booth and said, "Three tickets to Tittsville, please." "How dare you?" remonstrated the ticket seller. The young novitiate blushes and retires in confusion, so one of the priests says, "Allow me. Three pickets to Tittsburgh, and please may I have the change in nipples an dimes." He also retreats in embarrasment, so the eldest priest attempts to calm the now angry ticket seller. "Three tickets to Pittsburgh, pl

I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you wanted a day off? You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it to today's sermon. What...? Say that again...? I'm cured?"

Our house, in the middle of my feet, Our house, which smells of cheesy feet, Our house, will always get defeat, Our house, will never eat those feet. That was a song I made up ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!!!

Why did God make man first? Because he didn't want to be interrupted by woman!

The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone her. Jesus raised his hand and spake, "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone." From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge rock and staggered toward the poor victim. Jesus pointed a finger at her and said, "Stop it MOM! I was just trying to make a point!"

You have to see this joke to believe it. - Editor's Note: Link Deleted -

Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted." They look nervously at one another, but agree. The first priest says, "Since it was my idea, I'll go first. With me, it's the drink. Once a year, I take off my collar and go out of town to a pub and drink myself senseless for a few days; get it out of my system." They look at one another again, and eventually the next priest stands up. "Well, with me it's gambling. Every now and then, I nick some money from the poor box

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? "It's Christmas, Eve!"

One day a man was walking down the road and saw the priest also walking. Since he knows the priest usually rides a bike he asks where it is. "Well, I woke up this morning and couldn't find it," he replies. "Oh. Well, here is an idea. When you go over the Ten Commandments in your sermon this morning, bear down real hard on Thou shall not steal. Then, whoever took it will feel guilty and give it back." "Great idea!" Well, that afternoon the man sees the priest riding his bike. "I see they gave it back to you. I knew my idea would work!" he says. "Well, actually I went through the Ten Commandments like you said, but when I got to Thou shall not commit adultery, I remembered where I left m

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches than casinos there. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to sort the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Fransiscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks. You didn't even see it coming, did you?

In the middle ages, the monks were only allowed to talk once every year to the priest. They were only allowed two words to say. One year, when a new monk came, the priest told him of this and the monk agreed. After the first year, the monk said in a sad voice, "Bed hard." The priest frowned at him and ushered him away. The next year the poor monk said in a sad voice, "Food cold." The priest scowled at him and told him to go away back to work. The next year the monk said in a sad voice, "Quit job." The priest suddenly shouted, "Finally! You've been here three years and all you've done is complain!"

Father Sullivan was ministering to a man on his deathbed. "Renounce Satan!" yelled Father Sullivan. "No," said the dying man. "I say, renounce the devil and his works!" "No," the man repeats. "And why, in the name of all that is holy, not?" asks Father Sullivan. "Because," said the dying man, "I want to wait until I see where I'm heading before I start annoying anybody."