You might be a redneck if... You can talk for more than 20 minutes on the difference between squirrel and rabbit stew.

Bubba listened to the preacher at the revival and when the preacher asked those with needs to come forward for prayer, Bubba got in line. When it was his turn, the preacher asked, "What do you want me to pray about?" Bubba said, "Pray for my hearing, preacher." The preacher put one hand over Bubba's ear and his other hand on top of Bubba's head and prayed a while. Then he removed his hands and asked, "Bubba, now how is your hearing?" Bubba answered, "I don't know, preacher. It's next Wednesday at the Baton Rouge courthouse!"

Billy Bob caught his friend Bubba searching high and low all around his living room. Billy Bob said, "What are you searching for?" Bubba replies, "Hidden cameras!" "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" says Billy Bob. Bubba said, "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why, every few minutes he says, 'You are watching MTV!' How does he know that?"

This is a collection of a few of the Redneck lines I've heard (and can remember) over the years . . . You know you're a redneck when: You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. Your wife weighs more than your refrigerator. Your shopping list only has beer on it. The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair. You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard. You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow. You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift. You mow your lawn and find a car. Your "pet" eats more than y

Managed to remember some MORE Redneck lines while hearing a couple more. You know you're a redneck when: You lost your virginity at the age of 11. You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. Taking a dip has nothing to do with water. There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog. You take a fishing pole to Sea World. The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car. Your TV is a bag of manure on fire. Your "family reunion" was at the NRA convention. Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap. You've shot somebody over a mall parking space. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. Making a chocolate cake has

Got some more Redneck lines . . . You know you're a Redneck when: More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business. You think the stock market has a fence around it. Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight. You have a Ku Klux Klan uniform somewhere in your trailer. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. Your amount of children is more than the amount of Oompa Loompas in Willy Wonka's factory. Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs. Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool. You ke

They're fat

A blonde woman in Georgia bought a magnolia tree from a local nursery but, after only a few months, its leaves shrivelled and it appeared to be on its last legs. She took some leaf samples back to the nursery and demanded an explanation. "Oh, I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia tree, ma'am," said the manager. "Good," she replied. "What is it?" "Autumn!" he said.

This guy is walking along a dirt road when he stumbles upon a redneck lying on the ground with his ear in the dirt. "Are you alright? What are you doing?" the man asks but gets no answer at all. The redneck doesn't even acknowledge that he is there. So after a while of silence the man asks again, "Can I help you sir?" The redneck replies this time. "Ford pick-up truck, blue, 18 inch rims, two passengers, female driver." "Wow! You can tell all that by listening to the ground!" the man says. "NO" The redneck replies with a shocked look on his face "The bitch ran over me 10 minutes ago!"

Someone approaches you to say hi and your immediate response is, "You bet I am!"

Battery Fucked Boodler's ass hard and soft yesterday! Maybe zat explains z growth in z population recently!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Two hillbillies just come out of a divorce court. The ex-wife is crying her eyes out. Her ex-husband comes over and says: "There, there Missy, you're still my sister!"