A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HORSE AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another be

This story happened about a month ago in a little town in Louisiana, and sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale. This guy is on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night passes slowly and no cars come by. The storm is so strong he can see hardly a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom. It slowly creeps toward him and stops. Reflexively, the guy gets into the car and closes the door, then realizes that there is nobody behind the wheel. The car slowly starts moving again. The guy is terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy sees that the car is slowly approaching a shar

20. The cucumber has left the salad. 19. I can see the gun of Navarone. 18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out. 17. You've got Windows in your laptop. 16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave. 15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now. 14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell. 13. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson... 12. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal. 10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building! 9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod. 8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir! 7. The Buick is not all the way in

Chucky wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks ... but nothing happened. Chucky decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president. The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Chucky a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. When Chucky received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don't do that because, as usual,

A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?" "No," he replied. "I've never done either." "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around with women?" inquired the doctor. "No, I've never done any of those things either." "Well, then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"

What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A train goes "chew, chew, chew," and a teacher says, "Spit that gum out!"

Join the Marines: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them.

What if people bought cars like they buy Computers? The car companies don't have help lines for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, imagine if they did..... Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you? Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened! Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it? Customer: What's an ignition? Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine. Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms to use my car. Helpline: Toyota Helpline, how can I help you? Customer: M

Tarzan swings through the air Tarzan loses his underwear Tarzan says "Me no care, Jane make me another pair." Boy swings through the air Boy loses his underwear Boy says "Me no care, Jane make me another pair." Cheetah swings through the air Cheetah loses his underwear Cheetah says "Me no care, Jane make me another pair." Jane swings through the air Jane loses her underwear Jane says "Me no care, Tarzan like me better bare!"

There once was a farmer who took a young miss Out back of the barn where he gave her a ... Lecture on horses and cattle and eggs And told she had the most wonderful ... Manners that suited a girl of her charms A girl that he wanted to take in his ... Washing and ironing and then if she did They could get married and raise lots of ... Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses Covered all over from head to toe Covered all over with sweet violets The girl told the farmer that he better quit Then she called her father and he took a ... Taxi and got there before very long 'Cause someone was treating his little girl ... Right for a change and so that's why he said If you marry my daughter, you'

An RCMP officer pulled over a vehicle that had performed a rolling stop at a stop sign. When the driver was told this, he replied, "But it says STOP, not STAY!"

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same stuff?