Tarzan swings through the air Tarzan loses his underwear Tarzan says "Me no care, Jane make me another pair." Boy swings through the air Boy loses his underwear Boy says "Me no care, Jane make me another pair." Cheetah swings through the air Cheetah loses his underwear Cheetah says "Me no care, Jane make me another pair." Jane swings through the air Jane loses her underwear Jane says "Me no care, Tarzan like me better bare!"

There once was a farmer who took a young miss Out back of the barn where he gave her a ... Lecture on horses and cattle and eggs And told she had the most wonderful ... Manners that suited a girl of her charms A girl that he wanted to take in his ... Washing and ironing and then if she did They could get married and raise lots of ... Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses Covered all over from head to toe Covered all over with sweet violets The girl told the farmer that he better quit Then she called her father and he took a ... Taxi and got there before very long 'Cause someone was treating his little girl ... Right for a change and so that's why he said If you marry my daughter, you'

An RCMP officer pulled over a vehicle that had performed a rolling stop at a stop sign. When the driver was told this, he replied, "But it says STOP, not STAY!"

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same stuff?

Q. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills? A. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore it's paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? D

What is Mary short for? For having no legs, of course...If you didn't have any, you would be short too.

A man has returned to his car after coming out of a local shopping centre and notices that his rear bumper is completely bashed in and the back half of his car is severely crushed. He goes to the front to see if there's any damage there and finds a note on the windshield. Relieved that the other motorist left a note he opens it up and reads it. It says, "Dear Sir or Madam, So very sorry about your car. But you see, I don't currently have insurance so I can't afford to pay you for the damages. But a crowd was gathering after I had smashed your car and I had to look like I was writing down my name and phone number. And since I couldn't do that, I decided to write this instead. Have a nice day.

This was unveiled by scientists as "The Funniest Joke in the World": Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table. "Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal. "Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second. "Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off; go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

What did the wall say to the picture? How's it hangin`?