One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach. But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case. Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?" The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it." He soon falls asleep. Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask whathappened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach. Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was play

1. Cover your stump before you hump 2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker 3. Don't be silly, protect your willy 4. When in doubt, shroud your spout 5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner 6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong 7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it 8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey 9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize 10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter 11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick 12. If you go into heat, package your meat 13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis 14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse 15. Especially in December, gift wrap your

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all

- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges? - You can't have everything, where would you put it? - Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? - What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of baldmen? - In a country of free speech why are there telephone bills? - If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Here is a fragment of a crossword puzzle. Note that this crossword puzzle contains abbreviations and acronyms. S O _ Clue: An insult related to a female animal. Answer: Sow.

Here is a fragment of a crossword puzzle. P _ O _ _ _ Clue: Something that is often brown and hard to clean. Answer: Poodle.

A fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F

An actual sign outside a house: The dog is okay. Beware of the owner

When you look up Yahoo! Answers on Yahoo! search, it tells you it's deleted according to community guidelines. When you look it up on Google Search, it's restored according to Google Cache's workings.

What is the world's sharpest thing? A fart! It goes through your pants without leaving a hole!

One day Barney was driving his "Drugmobile" down the street and a cop pulled him over, said; "Something screwy is goin' on here, hey don't I know you!" and was about to put handcuffs on Barney but, Barney quickly said: "Oh crap, there's a J-Walker" and ran away to his drug mobile. The cop said: "Come here J-Walker". "Works every time" Barney said as he drove away.

Hey, I saw you in Dunkin' donuts yesterday!! You're the one ordering triple chocolate, double vanilla, quadrupal cinnamon and double whip cream dounut filled with sprinkles.