1. You are not a superman. 　　你不是超人。 　　2. If it's stupid but works，it isn't stupid. 　　如果一个蠢方法有效，那它就不是一个蠢方法。 　　3.Don't look conspicuous-it draws fire. (This is why aircraft carriers are called"Bomb Magnets".) 　　不要太显眼，因为那会引人攻击。（这就是航空母舰被称为"炸弹磁铁"的原因。） 　　4. When in doubt，empty your magazine. 　　有问题时，清空你的弹匣。 　5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are. 　　别和比你勇敢的战友躲在同一个弹坑里。 　6. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. 　　别忘了你手上çš

BASIC: Bill''s Attempt to Seize Industry Control（比尔的企图：夺取工业控制） ISDN: It Still Does Nothing（它仍然什么都不做） DOS: Defunct Operating System（已死亡的操作系统） MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs（大部分功能崩溃，如果没有，则操作系统挂起） WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System（将在所有系统中安装无用数据） MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers（大部分聪明的用户认识到我们的软件仅仅欺骗年轻人）

There once was a bus staion named Ureliar (You-Really- Are), a man went to the station and waited for his train, he waited and a man came up to him and said,"Hey,my name is Emabuthed (I'm-A-Butt-Head), what's the name of the station?" "Ureliar?" replied the man.

My uncle (Dan) and his best friend (Erik) have an April Fool month every April. Each plays one major prank on the other during the month - neither know when they will be pranked or what will happen when they are. Here are a couple of the things that they have done to each other: 1. One year Erik took police caution tape and completely wraped Dan's jeep up in it. He took the tape over and under the jeep so that the only visible parts of the car were the tires. He then took the tape across the street and into the house to his bedroom door. When Dan woke up and followed the tape to his front door he saw his entire jeep in yellow tape! 2. Another year Dan entered an ad in the pets section for

This guy couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so he called the airlines to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson. "And what about Salt Lake City?" "We have a really great rate to Salt Lake - $99.00, but there is a stopover." "Where?" "Denver."

Pat and Mick decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Pat gets called in for his interview. The boss asks Pat if he had worked underground mines before, and Pat replies, "Yes, of course I have." The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked, and Pat says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet." The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that; get out of here - you're no miner!" On his way out, Pat tells Mick to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Mick gets called in. The boss asks Mick if he had worked underground mines before, to which Mick says, "Oh sure." The boss asks how deep undergroun

What's invisible and very frightened? A ghost with the sheet scared out of him.

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "you're really going to enjoy yourself - we have sound now."

You are young and beautiful, have 2 university degrees, and are fluent in 3 languages. You have long blonde hair, long legs and a killer smile and you want to earn a salary no less than 100 000$ per year. That's nice. But we need a plumber.

Almost two hours into the Clemens and McNamee hearing, some interesting quotes can be found. (Credits to Yahoo! Sports, and 'Duk) • "Mr. Clemens bled through his designer pants." • "Mr. Clemens, do you recall any bleeding through your pants in 2001?" • "Those little band-aids for his butt, if it bled." • "Mr. Clemens, according to your account, Mr. McNamee injected your wife in your bedroom without your knowledge." • "That said there was a palpable mass on the right buttock of Mr. Clemens. On another record, it also noticed a similar mass on the left buttock." • "That was a hurried instance when we were in the closet."

An elderly couple was having a conversation, and the wife asked her husband a simple question :- "Boxers or briefs?" Her husband replied :- "Depends."

Three kids were walking on a beach looking for shells when one of them finds a magic lamp. They rub it, and the genie that comes out said that each could fall into a pit of whatever they desired. The first guy said "Money and treasure" and then he was poofed into a pit of money and treasure. The second guy said "Pleasure, happiness, and electronics" and then he was poofed into a pit of pleasure, happiness, and electonics. Then the third guy (who was stupid and swore/cussed a lot) said "Ah CRAP!!! Those were my ideas!" and then he was poofed intoa pile of crap (or faeces, or poop, whichever you prefer calling it!)!