Alabama: It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California: Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water. Nebraska: A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service. New Mexico: Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public. Pennsylvania: A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. Tennessee: It is illegal to lasso a catfish in Tennessee.

Washington: All lollipops are banned. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town. In King County, in Seattle Washington, it is illegal to sit on a man's lap on a metro bus, unless you are married. New York: A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and "looking at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll. Iowa: Kisses may la

Florida: Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. SARASOTA - It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault." North Dakota: Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. Ohio: Women are prohibited from wearing

Vermont: Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week - on Saturday night. Indiana: Bathing is prohibited during the winter. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic. Massachusetts: Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts. Kentucky: By l

Connecticut: You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands. Illinois: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Iowa: Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes. West Virginia: No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions." Oklahoma: Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private p

It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law. * You may not sing in the bathtub. * Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents. * Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk. * Motorized vehicles are not to be sold on Sundays. * You may not catch a fish with your hands. * You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. * Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish. * Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your ow

My job is secure. No one else wants it. You've obviously mistaken me for someone who cares This is my other car! And on the eighth day, God went fishing Time is what keeps everything from happening at once Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain Don't steal. The government hates competition. We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. Stop the violins. Visualize whirled peas. Gun Control isn't about guns. It's about control. There's too much youth; how about a fountain of smart. My computer doesn't understand me!! Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Horn broken. Watch for finger. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Al

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK. It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere - even sitting in an armchair by the fire - yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disk. Here's how it works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, Rhode Island, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind. 45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

In Arkansas, it is illegal to say the word Arkansas incorrectly.

Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are. Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas. Narcissistic - Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me. Manic - Deck The Halls and Walls and Houses and Lawns and Streets and Stores and Offices and Towns and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and... Paranoid - Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me. Borderline Personality - Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire. Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why. Obsessive Compulsive - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle B

A man has been down on his luck and has not been with a woman for a very long time and to make matters worse he only has 2 dollars to his name. He goes to a local brothel and asks the owner if he can have a good time there for 2 dollars. "2 dollars, I don't think so, beat it!" says the owner The guy starts to cry and goes on to explain all that has been going on in his life. The owner says "ok buddy, give me the 2 dollars and go to the second floor 3rd door on the right" The man hands over his 2 dollars and goes to the room and when he enters the only thing in the room is a chicken. He ponders it for a bit looks around the room carefully to make sure no one is watching, once he finds o