The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the fuzzy language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper. "It has long been known..." I didn't look up the original reference. "A definite trend is evident..." These data are practically meaningless. "While it has not been possible to provide definitive answers to the questions..." An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published. "Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study..." The other results didn't make any sense. "Typical results are shown..." This is the prettiest graph. "These results will be in

I was in McDonald's one time when the lady in front of me ordered a cheeseburger and requested no cheese. Now I don't know about you, but that sounds like a hamburger to me. Many years ago I worked in a delicatessen. The assistant manager had burnt something in the oven and smoke was pouring from the kitchen area. When the store manager came by and asked why she hadn't opened the emergency fire exit door to allow the smoke to go outside she said, "I thought about it, but I couldn't find the key!" A friend of mine and I were on a little road trip with his wife driving. Everything was pretty quiet when she turned to us and asked, "If you are driving 70mph, about how far would you go in an

My daughter was going over to the neighbor's house to visit but didn't want to miss a call from her boyfriend so she took the cordless phone with her. While at the neighbor's she wanted to check back at home to see if her younger brother was okay. My daughter then picked up the neighbor's phone and dialed our number. While waiting for someone to answer the phone at home, the phone she brought over with her began to ring. She immediately hung up the neighbor's phone and answered our phone. There was no one there. She wanted to know who it was who called so she used our phone to call our house. The line was busy. Getting very frustrated she left the neighbor's to go home and see who was on the

Depending on how you ask the questions, you can force the answer you seek! Remember 43% of polls are wrong, the other 78% are made up! Don't jump to the answer, just scroll down. Take this test mentally, don't write down your answers, and don't shout them out. 1. Pick a number from 2 to 9. It can be 2 or it can be 9, or any number in between. 2. Take that number that you've chosen, and multiply it by 9. 3. That should give you a two digit number. Take those two digits and add them together. 4. Take the resulting number and subtract 5 from it. 5. Take that number and correspond it to the alphabet, numbering the letters. A = 1, B = 2, C = 3, and so on... 6. Take your letter, and think of

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up." A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked at the counter himself for three hours until po

There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells, "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth." The second professor says, "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot." The first professor says, "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his fathe.r) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner." The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad," and runs off. The second professor not to be outdone says "Oh yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to h

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you. Personally I would like to know who came up with this and why that person is not running the country. I wonder what it means... 1. Grab a calculator. (You won't be able to do this one in your head) 2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code) 3. Multiply by 80 4. Add 1 5. Multiply by 250 6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number 7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again. 8. Subtract 250 9. Divide number by 2 Do you recognize the answer?

An American, a Japanese and an Iraqi were walking together. The American put his hand near his mouth and started speaking; after he finished the Iraqi asked him what he was doing, and the American said, "We put microphones in our hands and speakers in our ears so that we can make phone calls without the need to carry a mobile phone." Then the Japanese started talking, and after he finished the Iraqi said to him, "You didn't put your hand near your mouth, how did you speak?" The Japanese said, "We put the microphones in our teeth so that we can speak hands-free." Then the Iraqi picked up a paper from the ground and swallowed it, and both the American and the Japanese asked him about what he

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese went to try their echo; the American said, "Good morning," and the echo came back, "Good morninginginging." Then the Frenchman said, "Bon jour," and the echo came back "Bon jourjourjour." Then the Chinese said, "Chang chiong shang zhang hu," and the echo came back, "Whatwhatwhatwhat?"

Three people had been sentenced to be put in jail for ten years, and they asked each one of them to say one thing that he wants to have with him in the chamber. The first one said, "I want you to put 1 ton of steak with me," so they did and they locked the chamber; then the second one said, "I want a rack full with the best wines in the world," so they put it in his chamber and locked it; the third said, "I want 1000 packets of cigarettes," so they put it in the chamber and locked it. After the ten years are over, they unlocked the first chamber, and the man came out with big belly and said, "That was delicious." Then they unlocked the second chamber, and the man came out and he can barely s

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho. If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader. If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John. If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.

Bush, Chirac and Saddam went to hell. Bush wanted to call the US, so he called for one minute and then asked for the cost and he was told $1,000,000, so he paid. Jacques Chirac wanted to call France so he called for one minute and he asked for the cost and he was told it's $1,000,000, so he paid. Then Saddam wanted to call Iraq, so he called for ten minutes and he asked for the cost and he was told $10 and he paid it, but Bush and Chirac complained and wanted to know the reason, so the angel told them, "He made a local call."