A woman went to a wishing well and wished that she could become a better driver. So she turned into a man.

Bill pilled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, "My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!" "What makes you say that?" the bartender inquired. "Last week," Bill explained, "I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman and the post office guy came by, she'd run down the driveway, waving her arms and hollering, `My old man's home! My old man's home!'"

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he en

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Mom. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." Stunned, the young man says, "That's amazing, Mom. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her," she says.

Ladies and gentlemen, This five-letter-word little thing belongs to men, and no women. Some men have long ones, others shorter. It's straight in some men, and crooked in others. It may turn soft or hard in just a matter of seconds. Useless to some, it boasts manhood for others. Children wonder about it, young men are proud of it, while old men see their age in it. And whatever it is, some women love it, while others are afraid of it. What is that darn thing anyway? Scroll down for ANSWER - - - - - - - - - - - - - - beard, of course! what else? ;-)

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace". When the friend found out, she became angry and called the florist to complain. After she had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry she was, the florist said. "Madam, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location".

One day Bob (a boy) went to Sally (a beautiful girl). Bob told her, "Sal, Jack (a boy) wants you." She replied, "I know." They stand in silence for a while. Bob finally said, "I mean he needs your help." "Oh."

Girls are in the shower for at least an hour. Incredibly guys can take a shower in 5 minutes. Very beautiful girls are seldom intelligent. Even blond guys have some brains. Married women marry hoping their guy will change. Every man marries hoping their wife wont change. Pretty girls can usually get what they want. Unlike good looking guys who still have to suffer. Some girls are actually great relationship material. Some guys cant find those girls.

Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says, "My favorite position is the 'rodeo' position." "What is the 'rodeo' position, and how do you do that?" asks the second man. The first guy explains, "Well, first you tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours, and then you do it doggy- style. Once things start to get underway, and she's really into it, you lean forward and whisper in her ear, 'Your sister likes this position too...' Then, try to hang on for 8 seconds."

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. NOTHING This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine" GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is

Q: What is a man's idea of helping you with the housework? A: Lifting up his legs so you can vacuum underneath them.

Eight year old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."