There was a man and a woman and they lived on a farm. They owned two horses, but they could not tell the difference between them! One day, the man painted a yellow stripe on the tail of one of the horses. When winter came, and the yellow had washed out from all the rain, the man and woman were left to stand there next to each other, staring at the horses. After two minutes of staring, the woman finally said, "I've got it! The black horse is taller than the white horse!"

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go. DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room. DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps. SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once

Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden. He actually *does* have your tongue. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch. Cyanide pawprints all over the house. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip. Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM." Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?" Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed. Has ta

1. Introduction The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavored to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage. 2. Food In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain foo

What is black and red? An ape going down a hill!

A guy was having trouble with his cat. His cat would always scratch the sofa but never the scratching post. One day the guy got an idea; he bought a new couch and replaced the scratching post with the old couch hoping this would solve his problem, but his cat just began scratching the new sofa. Then another idea hit him - he got some clay and got to work. Scratching post - $57 New sofa - $299 Clay - $9 Understanding your cat likes to scratch your face more than he likes to scratch the couch - priceless.

Hello, I am Mr. L, as most people call me. I am going to tell you a story that happened to me years ago. Here goes! People were pouring pollution all around they world; strangely, it made certain animals turn gigantic. That happened to a dog one day, it wasn't pretty. I don't know why, but it was chasing me around the city. Eventually, I gave up and let it do what it wanted to do to me. It came close to me, lifted its leg and... I think I know why I it did what it did. I was wearing a shirt with a fire hydrant on it, and all the other ones were broken. That's my story.

Once a bird pooped on me, so I threw it back.

If you were attacked by giant mutants, what would you do? Most people would run. Some would hide, and the video recorders would record it and put it on television. Last week, humans won a war against giant vicious demons called, "Razzoopis". Razzoopis are Godzilla-sized monsters that have rock hard bodies, and breath fire. No one knows why it came, or how it was defeated, but the other humans had a feeling that the humans gave back its baby.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Kentucky Fried was on the side he was leaving from.

There was a quirky breed of dinosaur called an "Adoptosaurus". Adoptosauruses laid eggs and often times forgot where they laid them or whose eggs were who's. Basically, they "adopted" the eggs they found and claimed them as their own. Adoptosauruses didn't eat meat because it wasn't apart of their dino-religion. They thought eating meat made dinosaurs fat and have wrinkly skin. Adoptosauruses ate flowers because they thought it made them smell good. They thought they were the best of all the dinosaurs. Maybe they went extinct so fast because their babies got hungry and ate each other, or the T-rexes found them and ate them, or maybe they were just stupid dinosaurs that adopted their own eg

A T Rex named Farrell asked his mother if he could dress up in a tutu. His mother replied, "No! Boys don't wear tutus and dance on their tippie-toes!" Farrell yelled, "But mom!" and told his father. His father said, "Son, I'm a balerina and I dance in a tutu." Then the mother fainted and fell on the floor. So father and son danced around the unconscious mother in tutus. They had so much fun, and later had cookies and tea as a treat - and they used the mother as a table.