Signs Your Cat May Be Trying To Kill You

Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden. He actually *does* have your tongue. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch. Cyanide pawprints all over the house. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip. Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM." Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?" Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose. You find a piece of paper labelled "MY WIL" which says "LEEV AWL 2 KAT." Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.