(To fully enjoy this joke, please read the Wocka jokes entittled: December 1st December 2nd Enjoy!) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 3rd RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of "Alcoholics Anonymous" requesting a non-drinking table - you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Forget about the gifts exchange. No gift exchangements are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WI

(To truely enjoy this joke you should first read Wocka jokes: December 1st. December 2nd. December 3rd. Enjoy!) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 7th RE: Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy bags. Will that work?

(To understand this joke, you should read the Wocka jokes: December 1st. December 2nd. December 3rd. December 7th. Enjoy!) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 10th RE: The Holiday Party Vegetarians? I've had it with you people! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not. So you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your salad bar (including organic tomatoes). But you know, tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! The Bitch

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 14 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays!

Did they mean these ads to read as they do? Man, honest. Will take anything. Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of

During work Mike and John are chatting, Mike: "I've been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week." John: "Oh!" Mike: "For example, do you know who Graham Bell is?" John: "No." Mike: "He is the inventor of the phone in 1876. If you take night courses you would know this." The next day the same discussiontook place: Mike: "Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?" John: "No." Mike: "He is the author of "The 3 Musketeers". If you took night courses you would know this." The next day, once again: Mike: "And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?" John: "No." Mike: "He's the author of "Confessions", if you took night courses you would know this." Now this time Jo

Here are some incredibly useful phrases you can use when in the workplace... If you don't know what it is, call it an 'issue'... If you don't know how it works, call it a 'process'... If you don't know whether its worth doing, call it an 'option'... If you don't know how it could possibly be done call it a 'challenge' or an 'exciting opportunity'... If you want to confuse people, ask them about 'customers'... If you don't know how to do something, 'empower' someone else to do it for you... If you can't take decisions, 'create space' for others to operate... If you need a decision, call a 'workshop' to 'network' and 'ground the issue', followed by an 'awayday' to 'position the elepha

"You were speaking much too long on the phone just now, Miss Ponsonby," said Mr.Jones. "But it was a business call, Mr. Jones." "Well, please don't address our clients as 'sweetikins'in the future."

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked, "Do you have any military experience?" The Marine replied, "Why, yes! I've been in the Marines for a couple of years." "I see," said the interviewer, "any disabilities?" The Marine looked at him and replied shakily. "Well... In the Vietnam War I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles." The interviewer, quite shocked, said "All right, you're hired. Please report to work on Monday at 10:00am." "Wait wait!" shouted the Marine, "When do the others start? I don't want any special treatment just because of my disability." The interviewer replie

Two robbers from Puerto Rico felt that the police were getting hot on their trail, so they decided to move far away to Montreal and continue their life of crime in the new city. Unfortunately they just did not quite understand winter. They were arrested the morning after their first break-in. The police just followed their footsteps in the snow from the store to their house...

A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants." Police have the man's charred trousers in custody...

November 15, 1996 - PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.