In a hurry to get a special dinner party, the guest speaker arrived and sat down, only to realize he'd forgotten his false teeth. He explained his dilemma to the man sitting next to him. The man said, "No problem," reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of false teeth. "Try these,"he said. "Too loose," the speaker said. The man pulled out another pair. "Too tight," the speaker told him. "I have one more pair." The speaker tried them and they fit perfectly. With that, he ate his meal and gave his speech. When the dinner was over, he went to thank the man who'd helped him. "Where's your office?" he inquired. "I'm looking for a good dentist." The man replied: "I'm not a dentist. I'm an

A mortician was examining Mr. Zeron's body before sending it to be cremated. He discovered the longest private part he had ever seen on Zeron. He felt it a pity to cremate him with it, so, apologising to the corpse, the mortician used his tools to remove the tremendously huge private part. The mortician stuffed the prize possesion into his briefcase and took it home to show his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said and opened his briefcase. Upon seeing it, his wife cried, "Oh my God! Zeron is dead!"

A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?" "1956," was his reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!" "I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, ..."It's only 2014 now."

Once upon a time, there was an elderly couple. Next door, there lived a Peeping Tom. One day, the couple received a phone call. The woman said, "Fred! Peeping Tom tells us to shut the blinds or he'll call the police!"

A girl in around fifth grade was walking home from school. As she walking she sees a really adorable little boy walking the same way as she is. The little boy comes up to her and says, "Can i walk home with you??" The little girl, being a mean snobby person says, "Oooh, god no!! Go away ya midget!!" "I'll cry!!!" * big sigh * "Fine just don't cry!!" When they get to her house she stops and tells him to go away. But he says, "Can i come over??" "Ooh no!!! No munchkins allowed!!" "I'll cry!!" *another big sigh* "Fine, but only for a little bit" Its getting late and she tells him to leave. "Can I stay for dinner??" "For the last time no!!! Go away!!!" "I'll cry!!" "Fine!!" Dinner is over an

A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have today's paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree, I'll grab you a handful of leaves."

There once was this kid named Oddy, He always missed the Potty, He went some poops, and shouted out oops, Because Oddy Missed the Potty

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE, the cat did a piddle, all over the bedside clock, The little dog laughed to see such fun then died of electric shock.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: --------------------------------------- | Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 | | Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 | | Hand Job: $10.00 | --------------------------------------- Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies "Well wash your

As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong, honey?" She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

Very stinky I can be. And a wet hole is all you see. Give me a rod and I'm happy. In the silence I can queef. No one thinks they're eating beef. And please oh please don't use teeth.

A man walked into a hotel and asked for a room. The guy behind the counter said there is only one room left but it is haunted. The man does not believe this so he gets the room. That night the man hears a voice saying "I`m gonna find you, I`m gonna get you, I`m gonna eat you!" The man runs away scared. The next day a father and his daughter get the room after they were warned. That night they hear "I`m gonna find you, I`m gonna get you, I`m gonna eat you!" The girl hides under the bed as the father follows the sound to the closet. He opens the door. There on the floor sits a little boy, picking his nose, saying "I`m gonna find you, I`m gonna get you, I`m gonna eat you!"