What is grosser than gross? When a midget walks by and says your hair smells nice!

One day, I went to the shooting gallery at the fair, one with the smiling clowns. I aimed and fired. Imagine my reaction when the target started yelling obscenities and charged. "WOW! These fairs are really getting high-tech," I thought. Just to impress the girls watching, I held my ground and continued firing. Pretty soon, he lost all of his teeth, but he still kept coming. And that was some realistic blood! I aimed up at the forehead, and the target dropped like a rock. A security guard walked up to me and said, "How do you feel? You just killed a carnie, you sicko!" "Wow, real carnival people!" I said, "I gotta get some of those for my shotgun at home! Carnies are cheaper than paper tar

A man and his friend are out camping and the first one needs to go to the bathroom and they have no toliet paper so he asks his friend what to do. His friend says just wipe it with your hand and smack it on a rock. So the man does so and smacks his hand on a rock and it hurts him really bad, so to reduce the pain he sucks on his hand.

Three men are outside a pub when one said, "I dare you to go in and ask for a free glass of milk!" One of the other men went in the pub and said, "Can I have a free glass of milk?" "Only if you pick the scabs of my daughter's fanny!" replied the barmaid. "Screw that!" The other man walked in and said, "Can I have a free glass of milk?" "Only if you pick the scabs off my daughter's fanny!" replied the barmaid. "Screw that!" When the two men went back outside they told the third one that they could only get a free glass of milk if they picked the scabs off the barmaid's daughter's fanny. The third man said, "I wouldn't mind doing that." The third man went in and said I will pick the scabs off

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period,'' said the little boy. "Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?'' " I don't know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.

What kind of soup do you order at a gay Chinese resturant? Cream of Yungi (Cream of Young Guy)

A man called the gorilla exterminator because a gorilla was in the tree in his front yand. When the exterminator came he had a gun, a stick, and a dog. He explained that he would climb the tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until it falls from the tree. "Then my dog will bite his testicles off." The guy suspiciously asked, "What is the gun for?" The exterminator replied, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, then you shoot the dog."

Why did Michael Jackson cover his body in cheese spread? Because kids will do anything for the taste of Dairylee.

This lonely little boy was sitting at home, and he recently discovered the noises and smells that can emit from his body in the form of a fart. So the bored little boy decided to travel the world looking for the best fart, He went to Canada and realized that the cold temperature caused the farts to be really short. He went to Mexico and realized all the spicy foods caused really uncomfortable farts. All other parts of the world had interesting farts but not what the boy was looking for. Feeling that he failed, the boy went back home after his yearly trips around the world, only to walk in on his mom bending over into an oven attempting to pull a cake out. In the middle of her attempt s

I woke up one morning knowing I was going to have a bad day. I went to put on my shirt, but when i picked it up, one of the buttons fell off. When i went to put on my pants the button fell off of them too. I went downstairs to eat my breakfast, my toast fell off the plate. By then i was getting very frustrated. I picked up my brief case, and as you have guessed by now, something fell off. I decided to walk to work. When I got in I told my boss, "I've really got to use the bathroom." He said, "Why didn't you use it at home?" I replied, "Because everything I touched, something fell off so I'm afraid."

-The Vain Person One who loves the smell of his own farts. -The Amiable Person One who loves the smell of other people's farts. -The Proud Person One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine. -The Shy Person One who releases silent farts then blushes. -The Imprudent Person One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs. -The Unfortunate Person One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead. -The Scientific Person One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment. -The Nervous Person One who stops in the middle of a fart. -The Honest Person One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason. -The Dishonest Person One who farts but blames the dog. -The Foolish Pe

Q: Why did piglet look in the toilet? A: He was looking for Pooh (poo)