"Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe" = No "I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry "We need" = I want "It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now "Sure... go ahead"  = I don't want you to "I'm not upset"  = Of course I'm upset, you moron! "We need to talk"  = I need to complain "You're certainly attentive tonight"  = Is sex all you ever think about? "Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs "This kitchen is so inconvenient"   = I want a new house "I want new curtains"  = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper... "I heard a noise"  = I noticed you were almost asleep "Do you love me?"  = I'm going to ask for something expensive "How much do you love me?"  = I did something today you're really not going to like "I'll be ready in a minute"   = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V. "Is my butt fat?"  = Lie to me "You have to learn to communicate"  = Just agree with me "Are you listening to me!?"  = [Too late, you're dead] "Do what you want."  = You'll pay for this later