A Hole in the Bucket by Lee King Long Walk by Miss. D. Bus The Playground by C. Saw Fitting Carpets by Walter Wall Around the World by Sir Cumfrence Flexibility by Ben Dover Bladder Controld by Idon P. Freely

Three men are outside a pub when one said, "I dare you to go in and ask for a free glass of milk!" One of the other men went in the pub and said, "Can I have a free glass of milk?" "Only if you pick the scabs of my daughter's fanny!" replied the barmaid. "Screw that!" The other man walked in and said, "Can I have a free glass of milk?" "Only if you pick the scabs off my daughter's fanny!" replied the barmaid. "Screw that!" When the two men went back outside they told the third one that they could only get a free glass of milk if they picked the scabs off the barmaid's daughter's fanny. The third man said, "I wouldn't mind doing that." The third man went in and said I will pick the scabs off

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period,'' said the little boy. "Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?'' " I don't know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.

It was a dark and stormy night in the small Newfoundland village when Jarge's wife suddenly went into labor. The doctor came to the house and realized there was no time to get to the hospital in the city, the baby was coming now! Just then the power went out. Jarge brought out the kerosene lantern and held it for the doctor. Within minutes, Jarge's son was born. The elated parents were surprised when the doctor declared that another baby was coming. Soon, another baby had come into the world. And then a third. Jarge, somewhat in shock at the sudden prospect of supporting such a large family, started to back away. But wait, the doctor soon realized the end was not in sight. "Bring the light

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION - "You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me more LOGIC - "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you something

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?'' ''No, I guess not,'' says God. The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one. Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?'' To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you. 3) Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachie." 4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom." 5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as often since you did this. 6) While sitting at your de

An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON'T TOUCH THOSE-they're for the funeral!"

One day an elderly couple was out for an afternoon drive and had to stop for gas. Attendant: " Would you like me to check the oil?" Wife: "What did he say?" Husband: "He wants to know if I want the oil checked." Attendant: "Would you like me to top up the washer fluid?" Wife: "What did he say?" Husband: "He wants to know if I want the fluids topped up." When the attendant heard them talking, he asked, "By the way, where are you from?" The husband replied, "We are from Nova Scotia." "Ah," said the attendant. "Years ago I was in Nova Scotia and had the worst love affair ever." The wife said, "What did he say?" Husband: "He thinks he knows you!"

One day this woman got to thinking about how her and her husband's sex life. She realized they basically didn't have one, so she decided to go to the doctor and get him some pills. The next day she went and the doctor told her to put 1 pill in her husbands coffee every morning. So, the woman went home and the next morning she did exactly what the doctor perscribed. The woman thought that since the pills worked so well she would put more and more pills in his coffee. As the week passed the doctor decided to call. When the doctor called their daughter answered and when the doctor asked how things were going she replied,"Well, my mom's dead, I'm pregnant, my brothers raw and dad is in t

A blonde and brunette jump off a cliff at the same time. Why did the brunette hit the floor before the blonde? The blonde asked for directions!

A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior. When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported. The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife. "She was a real lady," his mistress said. "How so?" the encouraged man asked. "She came on board with her husband and never left his side."