Long ago I gave my kid an iPod. Last year he talked me into buying him an iPhone. This year he said he needed an iPad. I asked what the i- means and he said that's the way Apple name their products. Now he's asking for an i7 laptop. My goodness, Apple have made so many things they've now run out of names!

Boy: Will you marry me? Girl: Are you kidding? You're a geek while I need a man with a big bank account and a nice house! Boy: I have 1000 GBs in the cloud. Girl: Come on, that won't even buy us a cabin in Texas! Boy: You don't know sh*t, my EC2 account can buy a farm in New York if you wish!

Two guys are eating a hamburger at a fast food place. 1st Guy- Does your hamburger taste funny? 2nd Guy- No just yours. Mine doesn't have a sense of humor.

One woman to another woman Woman- Those firemen are hot. Other Woman- Yeah they are nice looking. Woman- No. I mean they just came out of that burning building. They're hot.

What did the dog say to the driver who was driving behind him? Get off my tail!

Man says to his girlfriend You're the only woman on this planet I won't. Oh by the way, I'm taken a trip to Mars next week.

(I put the pun words in CAPS) A man was smoking in a no smoking restaurant. Mik went up to him and said "sir, you'll have to leave'. The smoker said to mik "what if I dont wanna, yeah?, what'll ya do then?" Mak walked up to the smoking man's face and said 'leave. this is a no smoking restaurant. no BUTTS about it". The man said "fine" and walked out and jumped on his bike. Mik said to mak " man, has that bike been through a RECYCLING machine"? Word spread, and no smokers smoked in that restaurant ever again.

What is a 4 letter sport that starts with a T? Golf. (Golf starts with a tee!)

Do you know what the secret of an islamic marriage is? The man get's to see a striptease every night!

Hey! Football team! Get off the band field!

Band Class is the only class where you can blow it.

The blond asked for peanuts on the plane, but she once she got them, she gave them back to the stewardess and asks her to check if there really are peanuts in the bag. The stewardess asks why, to which the blond responds: "The bag says 'May Contain Nuts'"