god told moses to come forth but he tripped on a banana peel and came fifth

Class was starting, and the teacher was taking attendance. She noticed that two of her top students were missing. Right after that, Billy came in. She asks him, "Why are you late?" He replies, "I was just on top of Blueberry Hill." The teacher tells him to sit. A few minutes later Timmy comes in. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" He replies, "I was just on top of Blueberry Hill." She tells him to sit. A few minutes later a new girl walks into class. The teacher says, "Oh you must be the new girl. What's your name?" The girl replies, "I'm Blueberry Hill."

One day Jenny's parents decided to go out to eat and see a movie. They tell her not to have anyone over. So her parents leave. About 15 minutes later she hears the doorbell ring. "Oh my boyfriend is here." She opens the door to bring him upstairs to do some stuff. About an hour later the doorbell rings and she says, "Shit my second boyfriend is here!" So she stuffs her first boyfriend into a closet full of bones. She opens the door and brings her second boyfriend upstairs to do some stuff. About an hour later the doorbell rings again and she says, "Shit my third boyfriend is here!" So she stuffs her second boyfriend into a closet of feathers. She opens the door and brings her third boyfriend

Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.

Yo mamma is so fat she walked into the GAP and filled it.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Sixteen. One to screw it in and fifteen to form a support group.

What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa only has three Ho's.

I saw on the news a little boy being carried up to the sky. I got scared cause I thought Michael Jackson was ordering take-out from Heaven.

A couple was driving down the street and they hear a siren going off. They pull over to the side and wait for the cop to come over. The cop comes up and they see that it's Officer Alf. The man groans cause Alf is the rudest cop in town. Alf asks the man for his license and registration. The man gives it to him and Alf rudely rips it out of his hands and tells the man to wait. When he comes back he sneezes and his face turns red. The man says bless you and asks why his face is so red. Alf replies, "I get this way when it's about to rain. Anyway, here is your ticket for speeding." He walks away gruffly. The man looks up to see nothing but a clear blue sky. He starts driving again; a few minu

There was a king who was very greedy; he ruled a land called Drid. Every day he would take all the money and food the Drids had that day. This had gone on for years and the Drids were sick of it. One day a rabbi walked into the town and saw that all the people were unhappy. He went to a man and asked him what was wrong. The man replied, "Our king takes all of our food and money and we hardly have anything. He lives wealthily while many of us starve." The rabbi pondered thus for a minute and said to the man, "Gather up all your people. I have an idea." Later that night, all the people were gathered in the town square. The man said to them, "You guys need to stand up for yourselves. Have any

Hitler walks into a bar; he's depressed. He goes up to the counter and orders three shots. The bartender gives them to him and Hitler downs them. Hitler orders three more shots; the bartender gives them to him and Hitler downs them. Hitler orders three more shots. The bartender asks Hitler why he's so depressed. Hitler replies, "Give me the shots and I'll tell you," so the bartender gives him the shots and he downs them. Then the bartender asks why he's so depressed. Hitler replies, "I just killed six millions Jews and a clown." The bartender replies, "Why a clown?" Hitler says, "See? Nobody cares about the Jews!"

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all apply for the same job. The manager says, "I can only hire one of you so I'm going to ask you each a question and whoever answers it correctly gets the job." He takes the brunette into the room and asks her, "How many D's in Indiana Jones?" She replies, "One." He brings the redhead into the room and asks her the same question. She thinks for a moment and says, "One." He then brings the blonde into the room and asks her the same question; "How many D's in Indiana Jones?" She thinks for a little. She counts on her fingers, counts on her toes, wiggles her ears, sticks out her tongue and finally comes up with, "Thirty Six." The rest of them ask her, "Ho