Today's school kids are spending less time at recess than their predecessors. Experts say if the trends continues, future Congressmen may not have enough experience goofing off.

Sitting next to each other on a plane are a blond woman and a lawyer. To make the plane ride a bit more interesting, the lawyer suggests that he and the blond play a game. "We each take turns asking a question, and if you answer wrong you must give me $5 and if I answer wrong I give you $5." The blond woman says nothing. "Okay," says the man, "if I answer wrong, I have to give you $50, but if you answer wrong you only have to give me $5." "Alright," says the blond, "you go first." The man asks her "what is the distance from Earth to the nearest star?" the woman says nothing and hands $5 to the man. "What has five legs, is covered in pink and purple spots, and lives on a hill?" The lawye

An old lady walks into a bank and says, "I would like to set up an account." The man at the desk says, "Okay, how much would you like to deposit?" The woman replies, "$5,000." "Wow!" says the man, "where did you get all of that?" "I like to make bets." "What type of bets?" The woman replied, "Tomorrow when, I will come in, you will have a butterfly tattoo an your left buttock. I will bet all the money I am about to deposit." "Deal," says the man. The next day the old woman walked in again with her lawyer. the man at the counter pulled down his pants to show the old woman his empty left buttock. "I win!" he said as the woman handed him his money. Behind her, the lawyer put his head

A man was solving a crossword. For a four-letter word there was a clue: Look at the picture ! The man entered: I see .

- How many blonds do you need to change a lightbulb ? - Hundred. One holds the lightbulb and the other ninety nine rotates the house.

- What does a blond say to a two headed monster ? - Hello ! Hello !

- How to make a blond busy ? - Put her in a circle room and tell her to find a corner.

- How to keep a blonde busy? - Tie up both sides of a rope together. Give the tied rope to the blonde and tell her to find the end.

there was a man who lived in a small town who did not talk much to his neighbors. the only thing they knew about him was the fact that he always had the precise time, because every day at 3:00 pm (no later, no sooner) he took a walk, and came back at exactly 3:30 pm (no later, no sooner). this man was always so perfectly on time that everyone set their clocks to him, including the clock tower. one day one of the man's neighbors walked up to the old man and asked, "how do you keep your clocks so precise?" "simple," replied the old man, "i just set it to the old clock tower." who's clock was set off whose?

Michael and Beth are married, Beth is a smoker but Michael thinks smoking is horrible. One night she started smoking after they finished having sex and Michael said, "Would you please stop smoking, you're going to kill yourself." Beth, in return, said, "Sometimes I just need to get in a smoke after sex, do you have a problem with that?" He replied, "Yes, because they stunt your growth among other things." Beth asked Michael if he's ever smoked, to which he proudly said no. With a smug Beth lowered her gaze to his groin and said, "So, what's your excuse?"

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.